look what you've done to me autumn

Oh I love fall. 

So much.

 Carving pumpkins.

Colors.

Pumpkin spiced anything. 

Sweaters and boots.

Chilly nights that justify an arm around my shoulder and moving closer in together.

Tea.

Good books.

Benches become much more enjoyable.

Drives up the canyon.

Afternoon walks.

Chilly nights.

Warm Coats.

Crisp air.

More time in coffee shops.

{one year ago. almost to the day}

{sweet dreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be patient

Keep calm and be patient.

Everything will work out. 

Don't over think things.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Strong

Girl child. 

You are strong.

You will get through this.

It's okay to break down and cry sometimes.

Just know that you just need to get back onto your feet. Even if it takes quite a while on your knees to get into a standing position.
You are a survivor.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be so so careful....

so much running through this little girl child mind of mine. am i a woman or a child? i thought i was at the adult stage. but here i am stepping into this strange new adventure as scared as i was on the first day of kindergarten with my hello kitty back pack. 17. not a child. not an adult. i've had a hard life. i want to be happy. but i'll push it away. go for it. i feel the pressures of being a woman.  i'm too young.i'm too old.  i'm too scared. i don't see what there is to like in me. i'm weird. i don't listen to the right music. i don't wear the right clothes. i'll bring up something  at completely wrong moment. i'm not the kind of girl that you can show off. i'm opinionated and i won't always be wearing makeup. i would rather hold your hand as compared to kissing you. because i like you. because holding hands means that your in this together.when you put that stupid pillow over your eyes and kissed me. i felt butterflies. not the little monarchs either. but huge bright blue butterflies doing the waltz in my stomach. i had the stupid idea that i should grab your hand and put it over my chest. so you could feel the crazy dance that my heart has been doing since you came around. words don't do it justice. i never really believed the stupid little smile that thinking of a name could put on your face. but you put that smile on my face. im scared. i don't want to have these feelings. they're inconvenient. and not expected. and that might be why they hit me so hard. i wish you would of come with a warning label. 

"warning this boy will make you fall for him. fall for his laugh. his eyes. how he makes you feel when you're around him. he'll keep you guessing. don't get involved. and if you do be so so careful."

but maybe i don't want to be careful. maybe i just want to dive into this head first at the speed of a comet hurdling to the earth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

How did I become so awesome?

a

I'm a nun. SO SUE ME.

This is the power of make up I tell you.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

College girl

Here I am at college. At the ripe old age of 17. Unable to sign a waiver or my dorm room lease. It's strange, but a welcome kind of strange. I have a feeling I'll like it here. I've already done quite a few things:

1. Wore my red cowgirl boots for good luck. 

2. Got blisters on my right foot from said boots. {worth it}

3. Figured out the shuttle schedule. 

4. Wrote two papers.

5. Met charming lovely people. 

6. Didn't show up more than 10 minutes late for any class.

7. Decided the second day of school would be a good day to barf.

8.  Missed my baby brother who started middle school today. 

9. Bought all my text books.  

10 .Experienced first day nerves. 

11. Applied for student counsel. 

12. Decided to sign up for greek rush. 

13. Got Skype. 

14. Bought a parking permit.

15  Decorated my dorm room dang cute.

16. Decided that I am going to hold my head HIGH. No more looking at the ground. Because yes I have a past, but that doesn't mean that I can't be happy today. I'm looking people in the eyes because I have nothing to be ashamed of. Realizing I am an awesome girl with a lot of kindness and opinion to offer. I'm smiling at strangers. Because I know what it's like feeling like I don't know a soul, and no one cares about me. Smiling at people makes me feel better, because maybe, just maybe, I'm bringing a little bit of sunshine to that persons day. And 

17. Declared my major to special ed.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Polka dots and Sundays

Loving my new polkadot ginormous sweater. I think that sunday is to be a lazy day...big comfy clothes and not bothering to brush your hair. A nice day for shopping. And the bible. And family. And taking pictures on photo booth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}