wish upon a star

star light.

star Bright.

first star i see tonight.

i wish i may

i wish i might

have the wish i wish tonight

i wish to teach internationally. travel the world. 

fall in love and stay in love.

have a happy family with babies.

never want for monetary reasons.

be happy.

keep on learning.

not get struck by tragedy.

always be healthy.

growing up i used to wish on stars all the time. tonight i did it again. except for the fact it was different. i didn't wish for a certain boy, to be skinny, or to win a billion dollars. i think of what i want in life, and it's simple. what i put above is what i want. at the end of the day what i want is simple. i want to be happy.     

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

On my mind

I've been thinking a lot lately.

About how small in this world we are.

In a hundred years no one will remember you.

Yet every decision you make changes something about the world.

That responsibility is a lot.

It makes me feel as if my heart is breaking.

How can we be so small.

Yet make such a big impact.

I don't know.

The world is a mystery.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

great gatsby

Oh the 20's are beautiful.
I might have an age of aquarius wedding.
Who knows. I've got a lot to look forward too.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/how-to-throw-the-ultimate-great-gatsby-inspired-wedding


{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

74 cats and butter

Oh heart, get your shit together.

You don't like him. Oh wait yes you do. Oh wait no you don't. Oh fine admit it you do.

But he doesn't like you back. 

-->{Why you got to show up in an old tee shirt that i love, why you got tell me i'm looking good, don't know what you were thinking, you were doing, moving in for a hug, like you don't know i'm coming unglued, why you gotta keep me make wanting you}<--

Well face the facts sweetie. Life is not like the movies. The boy doesn't see the girl dancing to music no one else hears, he doesn't hear her singing at the most random times, and he doesn't feel the wonder she does at this beautiful world.

He just thinks she's weird. 

Because she is.

-->[ take me as i am or watch me as i go]<--

Well that's sure okay for the perfect girl to say.

But people just keep on having her leave. they don't stick around.

"i mean yeah she's cool, just not someone i want to be with"

they don't want to be seen with her. because maybe her weirdness will rub off on them.

So dear sweet you, you will be perfectly content with 74 cats and lots of  butter.

Or maybe even a man.

not a boy. a man. 

HURRY THE FUCK UP.

or stick with the cats. 

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Choice

I think in life, we have a choice to hold on to the sadness and pain in our lives, or the happiness and joy.

I choose the latter.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Brave

Being brave is crying in public.

Being brave is willing to be the weird girl even though it may not be the popular thing to do.

Being brave is not caring about what society thinks.

Being brave is falling for the guy who is out of your league.

Being brave is standing up for yourself and others.

Being brave is seeing something wrong and trying to fix it.

Being brave is finding light in the darkest times.

Being brave is realizing that you don't know everything.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Letter to a boy.

I know I made out with him. 

I also know that I could make up a million excuses justifying why I did it.

But the truth of the matter is that it isn't because you talked about other pretty girls, it wasn't because of what was in my system, it wasn't to make you jealous.

I just did it. 

And the only thing I could think about was you.

I regret it and I wish I hadn't. 

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I don't feel good enough to be with you.

I know that I'm not the kind of girl that you can show off.

And I think that was what you initially wanted, but you're a good guy.

You do things for the right reason.

I'm sorry and words don't mean a thing. Actions do.

So if you give me another chance I won't mess  it up.

Even though I know that I don't deserve another chance.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

falling from the sky, being caught.

I know that my redeemer lives. What comfort this sweet sentence gives. 

I mess up. And god loves me still. This I know. 

Minor miracle of the night. I was driving with my Natalie, and the snow made us stop in the middle of an intersection. Not stop per say, but get stuck. The light turned red for us, and we realized that if we didn't move that we would get hit. I decided to pray, and in the moment of saying amen, it was as if we were being pushed by another car out of the intersection saving us from a wreck. There was nobody behind us. I can say with all my heart that we were being watched over. I am grateful to  be alive, no matter how hard life is. Also, on a hill, my car got stuck as did a bunch of other cars. I started pushing my car, it went up, so I decided to push the other cars. People started getting out of their cars in the pouring snow and helped me push. It was amazing, every single person who helped me push a car, their car started and got up that hill with no trouble once they tried again. I know that these two little snow miracles might not seem like much, but they are exactly what i needed to know at this time of my life. 

Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Sweet heart. Bitch. Sweetheart.

 I'm not going to lie, high school was not my shining moment of glory.

I heard my reputation once. "Too nice"

Clara's quirky. Maybe a little too quirky.

She is too accepting.

She just has weirdos following her around.

(Also I would like to point out the fact that I'm so nice over ruled my reputation as the girl who came to school with a cat printed somewhere on her clothing at least twice a week.)

Now I don't see why this is a bad thing, this is the kind of thing that would make me happy if it were to be told to my face.

But it wasn't. It was told behind my back, by a girl who thought qualities like trying to be non judgmental are something to be ashamed of.

I am judgemental. I am a little bit of a bitch. Okay. A lot of a bitch. But I'm trying.

I know how much pain there is in this world and I don't want to add anymore pain by thinking someones not wearing the right clothes.

I do talk bad about people. It's hard not to. Get with someone whom you share acquaintances with. And unless it's a business/professional relationship, the truth of the matter is that gossip is going to come out of it.

I see someone and I do the whole thing in my head. I judge them. Based on outward appearances.

But than I remind myself that they are children of god. And personalities over ride looks.

And I am not better than anyone else. Ever.

I'm trying. I'm trying to be honest and real with people. Not be all sugary and sweet.

I'm working.

 I'm human. 

I'm trying.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Still a hopeless romantic

But sometimes the timing is off. There are also the wrong kind of love. Where it's not pure unadulterated love. You realize that there is a spark, but someone is in it for the wrong reason. Be you or the other person. Maybe you just want so desperately to be in love, that you will take anyone who will have you. But that's not fair to you or the person. And you lead them on even though  you don't mean to. But you feel so desperate that sometimes leading them on seems like the best idea. You tend to over analyze, every single word you decipher and try to read into the deeper meaning. Even though the words are meant to be taken at face value.  And you see those couples holding hands. And when other girls tell you the stories about their boyfriends, you just sit and smile while you're in your own mind. So  I'll sit and wait for him to come along. And I'll accept the heartbreak on the way.  

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

hopeless romantic

I'm the girl whose parents got divorced and decided to swear off love. Until she realized at the tender age of fourteen while lying in bed, that she is not her parents. The girl who gets butterflies just by making eye contact. Someone who will look at pictures of weddings, and hope that someday she can get a smile on her face due to begin so in love. She has not yet been in love, She's  got almost and maybes and what happened here baby but not a real love. And every time she thinks maybe this could be the one, and it isn't she hurts. Yes, so bad. But she doesn't give up. Even though sometimes when she's in the process of falling, she realizes that she  will most likely get hurt. But she falls anyway, because of that teeny tiny almost invisible chance that maybe this will be the time that is different. That one person, who you know that you want to share your past, present, and future with. There will be that guy who the silences aren't awkward when you're around him. The guy that maybe holding hands with will make you feel like you  can take on the world with. He's out there. He's looking for me. And you  have to believe this. Because trying wouldn't be worth the effort if you didn't believe this. Maybe it's just the  fairytales told a young age that makes all this seem like it could exist. But you realize it's the people you watch who you can tell are in love. The couple who still after twenty five years of marriage still go on dates and call each other baby. And the chances of finding a love like this are slim to none, but maybe just maybe you can defy the odds. You can be that small percent that finds an earth shattering soul breaking love. You know that a love like this is worth fighting for, and once you find it you will do all you can do to not let go. So don't be afraid since you haven't had good examples of love around that it doesn't exist. Realize that you write your own story and you get to pick the ending. Happily Ever After.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Out of mind. Into my heart.

Yeah we have a fighting chance.

I've got my intuition.

And this time I'm listening to it.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

look what you've done to me autumn

Oh I love fall. 

So much.

 Carving pumpkins.

Colors.

Pumpkin spiced anything. 

Sweaters and boots.

Chilly nights that justify an arm around my shoulder and moving closer in together.

Tea.

Good books.

Benches become much more enjoyable.

Drives up the canyon.

Afternoon walks.

Chilly nights.

Warm Coats.

Crisp air.

More time in coffee shops.

{one year ago. almost to the day}

{sweet dreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be patient

Keep calm and be patient.

Everything will work out. 

Don't over think things.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Strong

Girl child. 

You are strong.

You will get through this.

It's okay to break down and cry sometimes.

Just know that you just need to get back onto your feet. Even if it takes quite a while on your knees to get into a standing position.
You are a survivor.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be so so careful....

so much running through this little girl child mind of mine. am i a woman or a child? i thought i was at the adult stage. but here i am stepping into this strange new adventure as scared as i was on the first day of kindergarten with my hello kitty back pack. 17. not a child. not an adult. i've had a hard life. i want to be happy. but i'll push it away. go for it. i feel the pressures of being a woman.  i'm too young.i'm too old.  i'm too scared. i don't see what there is to like in me. i'm weird. i don't listen to the right music. i don't wear the right clothes. i'll bring up something  at completely wrong moment. i'm not the kind of girl that you can show off. i'm opinionated and i won't always be wearing makeup. i would rather hold your hand as compared to kissing you. because i like you. because holding hands means that your in this together.when you put that stupid pillow over your eyes and kissed me. i felt butterflies. not the little monarchs either. but huge bright blue butterflies doing the waltz in my stomach. i had the stupid idea that i should grab your hand and put it over my chest. so you could feel the crazy dance that my heart has been doing since you came around. words don't do it justice. i never really believed the stupid little smile that thinking of a name could put on your face. but you put that smile on my face. im scared. i don't want to have these feelings. they're inconvenient. and not expected. and that might be why they hit me so hard. i wish you would of come with a warning label. 

"warning this boy will make you fall for him. fall for his laugh. his eyes. how he makes you feel when you're around him. he'll keep you guessing. don't get involved. and if you do be so so careful."

but maybe i don't want to be careful. maybe i just want to dive into this head first at the speed of a comet hurdling to the earth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

How did I become so awesome?

a

I'm a nun. SO SUE ME.

This is the power of make up I tell you.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

College girl

Here I am at college. At the ripe old age of 17. Unable to sign a waiver or my dorm room lease. It's strange, but a welcome kind of strange. I have a feeling I'll like it here. I've already done quite a few things:

1. Wore my red cowgirl boots for good luck. 

2. Got blisters on my right foot from said boots. {worth it}

3. Figured out the shuttle schedule. 

4. Wrote two papers.

5. Met charming lovely people. 

6. Didn't show up more than 10 minutes late for any class.

7. Decided the second day of school would be a good day to barf.

8.  Missed my baby brother who started middle school today. 

9. Bought all my text books.  

10 .Experienced first day nerves. 

11. Applied for student counsel. 

12. Decided to sign up for greek rush. 

13. Got Skype. 

14. Bought a parking permit.

15  Decorated my dorm room dang cute.

16. Decided that I am going to hold my head HIGH. No more looking at the ground. Because yes I have a past, but that doesn't mean that I can't be happy today. I'm looking people in the eyes because I have nothing to be ashamed of. Realizing I am an awesome girl with a lot of kindness and opinion to offer. I'm smiling at strangers. Because I know what it's like feeling like I don't know a soul, and no one cares about me. Smiling at people makes me feel better, because maybe, just maybe, I'm bringing a little bit of sunshine to that persons day. And 

17. Declared my major to special ed.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Polka dots and Sundays

Loving my new polkadot ginormous sweater. I think that sunday is to be a lazy day...big comfy clothes and not bothering to brush your hair. A nice day for shopping. And the bible. And family. And taking pictures on photo booth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Oh boy i smooshed you like a fly

I would like to be the "girl friend" instead of the "booty call".

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}