little red wagon

Right now i miss getting texts that tell Me I'm beautiful. From someone of the opposite gender( thoughts still appreciated mom) and occasionally I listen to creep by radio head and feel like that sums me  up. You're a beautiful angel and I'm a creep and a  Weirdo. 

Par for the course. I sleep with a bottle of moisturizer IN my bed with me. Loser status I know. And I know more teachers than I do students.  I sometimes don't want to be all cute and bubbly and nice to people. Sometimes I want to walk past someone I know and not be all charming. In fact I actually want to hit some people. Like sock em in the balls. I finished a whole 2 years of Spanish in three months. I'm just now beginning to let myself believe that graduating early Might really happen and I can really start over. I don't know what is pushing me to leave, but I'm getting pulled like a little red wagon,

 I can't avoid where I end up. And I know that little old Utah is not where I want to be. Yes I am a girl and I want to be a mom. And be a wife. But I am scared shitless of falling in love and getting married. I have my whole life to be a domestic kind of woman. And I feel so much pressure living here to get married and pop out Babies. I have to leave. I want to live. I want to explore. Try new foods. Go to college. Become a doctor. Write. Read. Help uneducated women. Paint a master piece. Sing. Ski. Meditate. I have to leave. I dont know why so I will. But I will also enjoy my time here.

{peace, love, and granola bars}

Thank you peter pan.

Survived my first haunted house. Big accomplishment for this girl. real life. Once upon a time, there were these people in my neighborhood. they had a "haunted house" in their garage every year. There was a little girl named Clara {refered to as maggot, by some of her not so nice class mates}. She wanted her candy,donuts and hot chocolate. But she couldn't get it until she went through the stupid garage. (not bitter or anything) they would turn on all the lights, turn off the music, and she would cry her way through. Well her fear of haunted houses followed to adult hood. (alright...sixteenhood). One day carmel asked me to go to a haunted house. I said yes. I needed to confront her fears and didn't want to be seen as a wuss. More of reason 2 then reason 1.

Just call me madame Luna

She I and becoming a t-a for Mr. Logan. Went to my little brothers halloween class party. Figured out if I'd  was in the sixth grade right now, I'd be hella popular. Born five years too early I tell ya. Took a nap. Had Lauren come over to play for a little bit. Then handed out candy. My father got mad at me for giving too much candy to each kid. SOOOOOORRRY. not. only young once right? Loved seeing the costumes. got four numbers. Loved complimenting the kids.

Then Carmel met me halfway to the car. In the car  were five beautiful girls. Of course. You know heaven forbid I can't act like an idiot in front of ugly people. We drove. Tail gated a huge cemi. Forget the possible out comes that could of happened. When they pulled up to the haunted house "Awakening". Frightening right? First thing seen as driving into the parking lot? A ten foot tall monster. Carmel drags Clara to the door of the place. But before she even gets there, the ten foot tall monster see's Clara. Clara starts freaking out. The stupid monster follows her and they run a BLOCK AND A HALF away. Oh man. Thats bad. Hello wimp. Wimp and proud. Imagine me screaming, and running, and all the other girls laughing hysterically at me.

I would seriously consider dating him.

I get calmed down. I'm not gonna go in. I'm gonna sit in the lobby and wait. But oh no. Carmel has other plans for me. She pay's for my ticket. {$14}. Thats alot of money when you're constantly broke! I get up the stairs. Get literally dragged into the door. In there I meet two guys, ben and parker. Parker was dressed up as Peter Pan. Okay time to go to the real haunted house. Freaking out. But no..Parker grabs my hand and takes me down in to a certain death. (most likely by heart attack then murder, but dying all the same). I wouldn't look at anything but the floor. But once a guy drops out at me and I start to scream, which quickly turns into laughter. Parker is holding onto my hand and I bring my head up. I can do this. I'm brave. Plus I have a cute guy holding my hand. I realized if I sass mouthed the monsters it wasn't scary. In fact, it turned out to be a BUNCH of  fun! Thank you Parker. I'm sorry I called you Peter  all night. I never claimed to be good with names. Oh and you know I wouldn't be offended if you asked me for my number. You know after holding your hand for an hour. Oh and I can not believe I turned into one of "those" girls. The one who gets all scared and cuddles with boys cause of it.

babes.

So long story short. We have to face our fears. Because maybe we overthing stuff in our heads. Maybe something we consider scary will be funny. Or good for us. Like falling for the right guy(so I've been told). Going out on a limb and going back to school after you wreck your car and have no friends. Finding faith  on the way down. Standing up for someone. Not taking no for an answer.  God will keep us safe. Happy first of november!!!

like our new friend??

THE monster I ran away from. No big deal. He's also a pole dancer.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Shhhh...its a secret

1. My most emberassing moment EVER was at  a dance. I got really into the dance. And I danced with this boy.  I was wearing a dress that didn't have sleeves. After the last slow dance, the lights turned on. I had had my arms around him, and there was sweatmarks on his jacket. From my armpits. And a different boy pointed it out.
2. In 8th grade I liked two boys, which  I nicknamed {whisky} and {milk chocolate}-for his eyes.
3. In 1st grade I was called a maggot by a boy in my neighborhood. It stuck with me.
4. I have an abnormal amount of gas inside my body. You know if you were to fart for 7years and 9 months contnually, you would have enough energy to create an atomic bomb. Lets get working!!
BONUS!!!! I think farting is HILARIOUS. and I am  a REALLY good burper. I could probably win some competitions. Also I do really good loogies in case you were wondering.
5. When I was in sixth grade, I went to my brothers baseball game. There I met a boy named John.And I thought I was gonna marry him. I knew where he lived, and at this certain light I  alway's made my dad turn left so we  could drive by his house. (then I'd look in his window if I could see him) oh my gawsh.
6. I am AFRAID as all get out. Of chucky cheese.
7. I sleep with a nightliht. Shaped like a cat. With a pink lightbulb in it.
8. I have a bitty baby. And yep, I still dress it for the seasons and holidays.
9. I sleep with my baby blanket. Its name is pretty.
10. Sometimes I pee my pants a little.
11. When I was little, I wanted to be an opera singer. Or an orphanage director.
12. I really want a pet hedgehog.
13. Once I sat on a swing set. It broke.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

What if I fall and hurt my self?

Just So you know, I lay in bed at night and make up hypothetical solutions between you and I.

And no, it's not creepy.

Song: Hazy-Rosi Golan

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}