so much running through this little girl child mind of mine. am i a woman or a child? i thought i was at the adult stage. but here i am stepping into this strange new adventure as scared as i was on the first day of kindergarten with my hello kitty back pack. 17. not a child. not an adult. i've had a hard life. i want to be happy. but i'll push it away. go for it. i feel the pressures of being a woman. i'm too young.i'm too old. i'm too scared. i don't see what there is to like in me. i'm weird. i don't listen to the right music. i don't wear the right clothes. i'll bring up something at completely wrong moment. i'm not the kind of girl that you can show off. i'm opinionated and i won't always be wearing makeup. i would rather hold your hand as compared to kissing you. because i like you. because holding hands means that your in this together.when you put that stupid pillow over your eyes and kissed me. i felt butterflies. not the little monarchs either. but huge bright blue butterflies doing the waltz in my stomach. i had the stupid idea that i should grab your hand and put it over my chest. so you could feel the crazy dance that my heart has been doing since you came around. words don't do it justice. i never really believed the stupid little smile that thinking of a name could put on your face. but you put that smile on my face. im scared. i don't want to have these feelings. they're inconvenient. and not expected. and that might be why they hit me so hard. i wish you would of come with a warning label.
"warning this boy will make you fall for him. fall for his laugh. his eyes. how he makes you feel when you're around him. he'll keep you guessing. don't get involved. and if you do be so so careful."
but maybe i don't want to be careful. maybe i just want to dive into this head first at the speed of a comet hurdling to the earth.
{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}
