Pretty

I don't know how much you pay attention to me, but I love to wear dresses and skirts. I love high heels. I love waking up and curling my hair. I love wearing my eyeliner in a cat eye. I love red lipstick {NARS heatwave}. I love rosy cheeks. I love long eyelashes. I love drinking tea with honey. I love feeling PRETTY. Not hot. Not sexy. Once upon a time woman dressed to look innocence. Because innocence is a virtue. When did pretty become out of date? I would love to be told that I look stunning. I would love to be told I'm gorgeous.

I would love to be told I'm beautiful. I don't want someone to notice my boobs or my butt. I want a guy to notice my personality. I don't get pretty for the world. I get pretty for me. I  am more confidant if I get dressed up. I work harder. I strive to be better. I feel more compassionate and motherly. I just feel flowey like  I can shine. I can rule the world in a dress. I can overcome anything. I can deal with people being mean to me. I am a WOMAN.  Woman are STRONG. I dare you to wear a dress once this week. Just because. Not for anyone or church. Wear a dress for you. Don't be told you're less because you're a woman. You are beautiful and perfect the way you are. Don't rely on your looks to get through life. Prove the stereotypes wrong. Quit looking at other girls and wishing you were them. Because I am certain she is looking at some other girl wishing she was her. Be happy with your pretty self. Because thats what you are, Pretty.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Music and my love for it

I have this crazy silly urge to write every day for a week. I don't know about you, but life is pretty hectic for me. School. Social life. School. More School. You know graduating early isn't easy work. In hindsight I probably shouldn't of spent a whole day hanging out with an awesome person. But it was completely worth it. Because I like how  I am, like a little girl forgetting about worries when I'm with them. Oh and laughing for the better part of an hour over pictures with cats. Pretty dang hilarious if I do say so.  But its worth it. I'm up doing extra credit for science...when in my dream world I'd be sleeping. Although I'll admit that in my dream world I'd most likely never get out of bed. Oh well. I have this new thing where I love to lay smack dab in the middle of my bed and outline myself in pillows and listen to beautiful music by kate walsh. It's pretty sensational if you ask me. I also love to sing. Did you know that?  I'm pretty good. haha. not. okay I am. I have decided to start doing some shows...starting with the OHS talent show.

Wish me luck. In case you were DYING to hear me sing...here. Happy? Don't laugh to hard. Or send it into Americas funniest home videos. Or make me an internet sensation for being horrible. Alright. True love. For the you know two people who read this. Here's me singing Kaleidoscope by Joe Brooks. Don't mind the guitar. I just started playing again after a year and a half of not even looking at the thing. Patience....if anyone thinks this is, you know semi good{ or wants to see me make a fool out of myself multiple times} let me know. I have a video of me singing, that I'm pretty proud of. Its better than this one...and  me singing with all that I got. Go white girl with soul. Oh and I'll let you in on a  little secret....I have THREE people offering me 10 bucks each to post this. And I'll take thirty bucks anyway I can. I'm a poor highschool student and the only way I can get this money doing this little is prostitution. Which will not be happening for this girl. No way Jose.

A little piece of heaven for the ears...not so much the eyes.

Joe Brooks-Kaleidoscope

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

my PREFERENCE

This weekend was preference and I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't have the balls to ask a guy. On Friday night me and Nolle went to salt lake with my mom and David. We saw the new footloose movie. I did dance in my seat. No Biggs. Celebrate the little things in life right? Rained. And snowed. In the same 4 hours. Came home saturday morning and took a nice nap. Then since my stinking bestfriend decided to not answer the phone i decided a daddy daughter date(: Because  I finished my LAST semester of TWO YEARS of spanish in less than a week, a   celebration was in need. So my daddy bought me these really cute boots that are perfect for the snow. We had asian food, talked about politics and the latest medical controversy {what is the best medicine for blood thinning}. Then we came home and watched the phantom of the opera.

 Which will alway's be one of my favorite movies. My IDIOTIC bestfriend Nib decided to call me and we concluded that we needed to make collages. So instead of preference I made collages. With the love of my life. {soul mate haha} Then I slept over {on the floor} and had a perfectly lazy sunday in saltlake going to see my mumsicles again. Love her. She is beautiful and so smart. My mom is my role model and I really could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on forever. She doesn't give up,  she doesn't care what people think about her, she's GORGEOUS. She's smart and goal oriented and knows that hard work is the way to live life. She tells really great stories, and picks out husbands for me in public places. She's pretty tight. Don't worry. I love her. To the moon and back. And I know that God gave me her to get through this crazy thing called life. I don't tell you enough, but I love you. I'm trying to make you proud. And you're my bestfriend and whenever anything happens in life you're the one I want to tell. Don't forget I love you and I need you. Even though I seem to be pretty cool with a happening social life and I'm dating I'm still your little girl. "Who loves Clara? Mommy loves Clara!" "Who loves Mommy? Clara loves Mommy"! I like trying new food and traveling and  laughing until I can't breathe whenever I'm with you.

This week I am grateful for

1. Bowling in P.E.

2. Bubble baths and tea

3. Books on the ipad

4. Instagram

5. Gratitude journal

6. New boots

7. Driving Nolle to school every morning

8.Red Lipstick

9. Shaving cream

10. Diet soda with lime

11. Little bro

12. My turquoise blazer

13. My savior

{Peace, Love, and Granola bars}

little red wagon

Right now i miss getting texts that tell Me I'm beautiful. From someone of the opposite gender( thoughts still appreciated mom) and occasionally I listen to creep by radio head and feel like that sums me  up. You're a beautiful angel and I'm a creep and a  Weirdo. 

Par for the course. I sleep with a bottle of moisturizer IN my bed with me. Loser status I know. And I know more teachers than I do students.  I sometimes don't want to be all cute and bubbly and nice to people. Sometimes I want to walk past someone I know and not be all charming. In fact I actually want to hit some people. Like sock em in the balls. I finished a whole 2 years of Spanish in three months. I'm just now beginning to let myself believe that graduating early Might really happen and I can really start over. I don't know what is pushing me to leave, but I'm getting pulled like a little red wagon,

 I can't avoid where I end up. And I know that little old Utah is not where I want to be. Yes I am a girl and I want to be a mom. And be a wife. But I am scared shitless of falling in love and getting married. I have my whole life to be a domestic kind of woman. And I feel so much pressure living here to get married and pop out Babies. I have to leave. I want to live. I want to explore. Try new foods. Go to college. Become a doctor. Write. Read. Help uneducated women. Paint a master piece. Sing. Ski. Meditate. I have to leave. I dont know why so I will. But I will also enjoy my time here.

{peace, love, and granola bars}

Rain Rain please do stay

Today is my favorite kind of day.
Rainy and not too cold. Gloomy but with a sense of hope.
 Rain boots and worn in UCLA sweatshirt kind of day. Left over curled   hair from yesterday.
 Puddle jumping. Lazy but put together.
 I want to cuddle up with a hazlenut white mocha latte extra whipped cream and a good book at a coffee shop where no one knows my name.
No one knows my story.  I am Allowed to be whatever person I want to be.

Submerge myself in someone else's story, and dream. Dream about my future. Improbable unrealistic dreams. But that are still worth dreaming. Because no dream is not important enough to dream.
 I want to not have stomach pains. Or worry about who will or will not be my friend tomorrow. Or worry about what is going to happen over the weekend.
 Just for this little moment I'm in the place where I belong.  Alone and independent.  Reading and writing.  Hoping and wishing. Not being afraid of judgement. I'm looking forward to life.
{peace, love, and granola bars}

Coffee

Coffee.  It's like getting kissed by an angel. It leaves my chest warm and tingly. Like it does when I think his name. How long can you go on loving someone without them loving you back? It's the worst kind of pain.  Unrequited love. Am I allowed to make the first move?  To someone who doesn't even care that Im alive? But does. Because feelings just don't disappear.  I want a man who can make his own decisions and doesnt care about what other people think.  He listens to his heart above everything else. I know that you're scared.  We might fall. Hard. For each other and love is frightening. Scary like taking the leap and not sure if your wings will grow on the way down. Scary like getting a shot. Not sure if it will help you or hurt you. Do you want this?  Or am I just some delussional girl?

Do what you want. You live once.

Society you can't change me. Your pressure is not welcome here anymore. Please leave. I like who I am. I'm done being what others want me to be. I'm being what I need to be. Which is Real. And crazy and somewhat weird. I'm nice and funny and smart and pretty cool. And I'm close to God and that's all I need. Life isn't about pleasing others, its pleasing yourself.  Because I'll let you in on a little secret, if no one's mad at you you're doing something wrong. You need your own opinions and style and little laugh. No one else could ever fill the position on earth that you were put here to do. I am comfortable with myself. I don't care what others think of me. If I want to wear a hideous rainbow sweater out in public, I will. And I will rock it. It makes me sad that there are girls who if  you meet one of them, you've met the whole group. People are always what others want them to be.

So  if you want to sing, go ahead and sing. Same with art or sports or  any other dreams. Stand up for yourself. Don't let people walk all over you. Because you are awesome and you have to let that be known! Quit chasing small realities and start chasing big dreams. Do I really think that I'll be a famous singer? Or be a doctor married to a rich man? Are these realistic? No. Will they happen? Probably not. But guess what? I won't know unless I try. I would rather die trying then living a life that I hate. I've had enough of  being in a box. I don't have to be what others want me to be. I'm not a puzzle piece. I'm the whole picture. Live. Wear colors. Tell horrible jokes. Tell the person you admire from a far how you feeel. Sing in public. Smile at strangers. Travel and get lost. Eat a whole bowl of cookie dough. Be adventorous. Do what you want. You live once.

This week I am grateful for:

1. Giorgo Armani Acqua Di Go {perfume}

2. Fat mexican kids with glasses

3. Sentimental jewelery

4. Spanish Tutors

5. Pearls

6. Health

7. Gold fish

8. Bucket List

9. "Stolen" dresses

10. Harry Potter Lego on my Ipad

11. Pandora

12. My journal

13. God

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

First kiss

first kisses Advice?

 Live it

 Don't be afraid

 Chew some gum Mint chocolate chip or orange five preferably

 Don't think about 

 You'll know what to do

 Remember it Because it might be the best kiss you have in a  Long time 

Not sure why 

Maybe it's because you don't know any better

 Youve never kissed anyone before  

You dont know what to expect

 But What you get is Just what you imagined 

Let him hold you 

Close your eyes and feel the fireworks

 Get weak at the knees

 Feel his warm sweaty palm in yours

 Feel like you're being touched by an angel

 Open your eyes and look into his and notice how they're turned up with a smile 

Dance the night away feeling as if you're a princess from a fairytale

  Forgetting the worries of life if just for one night

 {Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

change

 it feels like everybody in life is moving forward. they're lifes are changing for better or worse. mine stays the same. different people but essentially the same. I'm graduating in four months and i don't know what i want to do or where i want to go or if i want to grow up or stay young. i want to be loved. and then i push everyone away. its what i do. and i ignore people. and turn horrible. and then i get overwhelming and obsessive. i want a boyfriend. but i don't need one. im fine on my own. although i think id love him. everyone is changing. getting married. or having babies. or getting boyfriends and falling in love. moving on without me. like a line from a song that i relate to. "its been a long year and everyone around me has disappeared". I talk to one of my friends from last year. It seems like everybody realized that life without me is better. and thank you. because i can go on. even though it hurts to see that you can go on without me. i can to. i have the people who love me. like a quote i heard once. "id rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies". isn't that true? Id rather have a few people who really love me for the right reasons than a bunch of people who don't really love me. besides you can buy gumballs with quarters. thanks sweeties. and id rather have that one friend from last year than everyone else. she lights me up. and makes me a better person. and loves me even when i mess up and am rude. because it is no secret that i can be harsh. my tounge has a mind of its own. and maybe one day i'll learn to think before i talk. what should i do with my life? i want to be a mom. and that is all i know. i don't want to get married. i want to be a doctor. a dermatologist. do i want to stay in utah another year? or move to california, texas, or boston? do i want to move to england? learn french and move to Paris? i want change. even though life is comfortable. i want exciting. but i don't want my bestfriend to ever change. ever. because i love her. both of them. one lives here and the other a thousand miles away. thank you. i want change. I don't want to pack and unpack my stuff moving parents every other weekend. and i don't want to spend every tuesday night at piano and carls junior. i want good change. not scary or sad. happy. love. i want to be in love. there i said  it. the girl whos sworn off love wants it. accept change. even though its hard. it makes it okay. every thing is perfect.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}