dying

Quick post to tell you that I haven't died and dropped off the face of the earth. 

Although I feel as if I'm in the process.

I'm sick, and I will spare you all the gorey details.

Just praying I get better. 

And don't barf on someone while taking my final at BYU. 

Wish me luck.

I'll write more soon

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

coffee and hashbrowns

You know sometimes I don't go to second period because my stomach hurts. And I need coffee. With Presley and Ciel. Love those girls(: Have you ever peanut buttered a vehicle? I'm not opposed to the idea. Especially when the boy driving it is the one who hates me. And probably secretly likes me. Don't worry. I know how it goes. Don't pretend I don't see those looks. Because I may be blonde, but I'm not dumb. And I don't give a crap about it. Peace offering? Friends?  You're going to be the one to make the offer. Good job. You're the one who messed up first. Oh and I guess Rihanna made the right statement "Hate that I love you" well maybe not love. But like. Whatever. Good luck. I'll be waiting. And it better not be over text messages if you want to. Oh and thanks for the sweet rumors you've made up about me. And don't deny your feelings.  Oh and I guess I should put that I don't REALLY hate you. Just got to keep up appearances. How awkward can I make this? Hella. Thats how much.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Iceskating +GIngerbread house + Snow = WINTER

Two weekends ago, me, Aubree & Nolle went ice skating at seven peaks arena.

It was so much fun! It was my first time, & I'm admittedly horrible!

But thankfully Nib {Nolle} held my hand.

What are best friends for, right?

All bundled up

Me & David decided that for "family home evening" {because we're SUCH a tight nit family hahahahaha} a gingerbread house would be a good idea.

It was.

{ man=gummy bear}

We ended up with an oil spill, a man drowning, a man in a cage

 A skate boarder getting run over.

A sweet marshmallow snowman

A man getting stabbed.

Oh and Ellis Island. A statue of liberty and a pirate ship with pirates coming to their new life.

And some various other gore. We're admittedly a bit weird.

Yesterday was the second time it snowed this season! {The first was in october}YAY!!!!! I have a STRONG dislike for winter. In my dream world it would be 75 F all the time.

What I love about snow

 Watching snow fall, especially when there's already a few inches on the ground. Watching it fall off the trees. Walking through fresh snow and leaving my mark on the world. Waking up and seeing nothing but crisp clean white. Sledding. Snow men.

What I dislike about snow

The cold that seeps into your shoes and bones. When its a few old days and brown and looks like poop. When it goes all the way upto my birthday.

 Vintage Dress in Jdawgs



 This week I am thankful for:

1. Finding the right presents for everyone for christmas

2. Hair dye & my hair growing long

3. My beautiful Aunt Stacy

4. Joshua Raidin----As proven in this song

5.People with perms, that if you were to pul their hair off the top of their heads, it would reach the ground

6. Granny Panties

7. Four wheel drive

8. Vintage Clothing

9. Fire places

10. New Girl

11. Real live christmas tree at my moms

12. J dawgs

13. The real reason of Christmas. Jesus Christ who came to save us

Cody Simpson is even hotter in cut out form

And of course thankful for this girl

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Rebellious

I'm rebellious.

Don't worry.

I'm in accounting. 

And blogging.

And I might get killed because of it.

 Although then I'd ruin the teachers christmas sweater.

So maybe I'll live.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Headband baby

I dyed my hair...super duper blonde! and I LOVE it! 

I feel so much more myself when my hair is super blonde. 

And yes I can practically hear the dumb blonde jokes starting. Thanks.

And my hair is really hard to tame. 

I call it the beast. Alot.

Sometimes I wish we could have wigs and just have perfect hair all the time.

I didn't have hair till I was like eight months...so I was a head band baby.

Picture is from my first christmas

1995-sixmonths old 

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Dating defense attorneys

So today me and Nolle went into the orchestra room. We  saw Alex. She said that a defense attorney was an asshole. Nolle said, don't worry we know  a few of them, and I chimed in yeah I've dated some. Alex thought we were talking about defense attorneys. Not so. Thats why I love her.

Oh and little miss rapidly ruining others relationships, STOP. I'm sorry that you're own relationship didn't work out, but don't ruin something good for someone else

 Oh here's what I really wanted to write today.

Its a letter to a guy that I "used" to like. I still do. I know I'm stupid.

I don't let myself think of you. Because what is the use of wishing for the impossible things? You will never love me the way that I want you too. Maybe we are meant to be, but we're both too afraid to shy. I remember staying up nights in a row talking to you. And kissing you. And all  your sweet little nothings that made me twirl like a little girl. I allow myself to think of  you at night. When I'm alone, and I can revel in being alone. I can't be fully into relationships with other guys becasue I am in love with you. Its bad for me, but you're like my drug. I keep on going back to you, if only in my mind. You won't even lok me in the eyes and I wish that you would. I hate seeing you hugging other girls. And the fact that you can be happy when you're not with me. I know I'm brave enough to talk to you, but we agreed not to talk. So I'll keep to hearing about  your life from secondary sources. I'm sorry for being mean. And not fighting my own battles. And being to desperate. And too needy. And weird. And not skinny enough. I wont change for you though. You can love me for who  I am. If you're reading this I just have one thing to say to you. I miss you. And I'm sorry.

Song: Birthday-Jillian Edwards. Sometimes a song sums up how I feel, better then I ever could.

Okay this song is called once should be enough. I couldn't find a good link for birthday. I'll find one.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars} 

Same old me

I read somewhere that a girl has five personalities. One when she's with strangers. One when she's with boy's. One when she's with her friends. One when she's with her family. One when she's alone.

Why?

I want to be the same person all the time. I know that the real me is worth sharing. Why should we change when we're around different people? Are we afraid that people won't love us? Are we afraid they'll think we're weird?  

You know if they're going to judge you like that, why would you want to be associated with someone like that?

I know that I sure don't! I want people who love me for me, and not some one that I pretend to be.

And I challenge you to go without make up for a day. Or two. Or three. I went friday and sunday with out make up. And even though I look like a ten year old, au naturale, I feel comfortable in my skin and can be completely confident looking like a ten year old.

Me without makeup:)

Things I'm grateful for this week.

1. The doctor, I have some weird abdomenal pain going on. Went to the doctor. Have more tests today after school. Wish me luck!

2. Having NO cavities.

3. Gloves to keep my hands warm.

4. The opportunity to go on a date on saturday night, with this guy I think is pretty cute.

5. Temporary tatoos

6. Sea monkeys

7. Glowsticks

8. Christmas season

9. Saint Nicks day

10. PIllows. Lots of them. Like 9 a night.

11. My bestfriends Veronica and Nolle

12. My family

13. The knowledge that my savior lives,and died for me. And that he knows what I'm going through

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Silly Silly Boys

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

You're wearing penny loafers? TURN ON

Awkward.

I told a Grandma that she is a princess yesterday.

Five minutes in study hall left.

I could put up a picture...but nah. I'll post today after school.

You know. I lost all respect for him. And it got worse when I found out he could only throw gutter balls while bowling. Turn off.

So is cheating. And holding hands with your girlfriend and checking me out. and drinking energy drinks. and suffering from s.p.d. {same personality disorder}

Penny loafers on the otherhand are a turn on. As is holding the door open. And being good with kids. And loving disney music. And big nerdy glasses.

Song: Sampson-Regina Spector

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

wait...one of my letters wont work!

Last night in California. Sad to go home. But also glad. Sad to leave Veronica and this beautiful state. Excited to see my loved ones in Utah. Ill write all about my tri when im home. and have a comuter that lets me tye the letter that comes after o. So good night beautiful world!  see you on the other side! Oh and kee smiling! i REALLY need to use the bathroom. So I shall talk to you lovelies later!!! Oh and my baby girl is eight!!! Love you vivi!!oh and go Bruins!! NOT mountain view...boo you bruins! but UCLA bruins!!!! quick highlights.
1. VERONICA. duh. i mean shes my best friend!
2. Ucla campus tour. i AM going there.
3. getting stomach flu on thanksgiving..
ictures coming SOON!
haha suckers. Ill enjoy my last 24 hours of warm weather

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

emotional

i have this need to write right now. i cant control it. my heart is going to race out of my chest. im sure the drummers of war can hear its beat. this lonely girl who nobody needs. remember when you said youd be my prince phillip, and i your aurora. you would wake me with your sweet kiss from the one hundred years of night mare filled sleep. i kept my end of the promise. i waited patiently for you. i loved you without fault. i needed you. you lied to me with sweet words which melt on your lips. and the one hundred years has passed and you have not come. so in this nightmare i shall remain.{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Off to warm weather.

The good news.

Well it has happened. I GOT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009 Nissan Altima hybrid. Its red:) and BEAUTIFUL!

It drives smooth.

I get to see my best friend Veronica, in the world in SEVENTEEN hours.

I'm going to miss my other best friend Nolle while I'm gone. Don't apply at taco bell. the job is MINE.

Sometimes I feel like if I wear summery clothes it will be summer...not so.

My favorite article of clothing EVER is these ugly silk purple pajama pants that go up to my boobs and have a whole in the crotch.

I am considering silk sheets.

I want new pillows for christmas. I don't know what else. I'm already so blessed.

sadies went swell. Thanks for asking.

Negatives this week:

1.Trying to make this post not so emotional. Which is hard. When thats how I'm feeling.

2.I keep having bad night mares and I don't want to sleep. And they worry me during the day.

I like my day dreams better.

3.I wish fat would just go away. Forever. I don't want to deal with it anymore.

4.I wish someone would ask me on a date. Not to hang out.  A real honest to goodness date. Not partaining to a school dance or function.

5. My favorite blog to stalk only posted once.

6. I only posted once.

Miss his long hair. And I'm gonna miss him this week.

Okay positives this week:

1.I got a car.

2. I got to eat cafe Rio 3 times.

3. I went to bed before seven two times.

4. I managed to not spend anymoney after tuesday.

5. I found a good quote in the story we read in english.

6. I'm off to california.

7. Being Rosa Parks. Gosh dang it. I GET the front seat of the car.

8. Jillian Edwards released a new cd.

It makes my butt tingle.

Isaiah 40:31 

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Thats my all time favorite scripture.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Song: With you-Jillian Edwards.

11~11~11

Make a wish! I've been thinking about what I want to wish for.  Do I want to have the perfect boyfriend? Do I want to be popular? Do I want the perfect body? Do I want to travel the world? Do I want to have more money than  I could ever imagine spending? Yes I do. It would be nice, if I am to be completly honest. But you know what I'm going to wish for is to be happy. Plain and simple. Plus I have God with me, so what do I really need to wish for?  Yeah, I would really, like really like my parents to not be divorced. I wish I could go back in time and have that not happen. But it has made me the person I am today. And she's pretty cool...you know she is. So you know I'm still going to make a wish, wish that one boy would like me back, wish I could be a rockstar. Because imagining is fun. Make a wish! I dare you!!!

Oh and I would like to thank all of the men and women who have and will serve our country, thank you for risking your life to keep me safe. You're my heros! Oh shout out to mom, I think you're beautiful. And so does everyone who sees you. Plus you have the BEST personality! Love you, and I know that God gave me you to get through this crazy thing called life.

Tonight this little girl is going on a date. a DATE. You heard that right. Someone wants to ask nerdy little Clara to be with them. Like eat dinner and dance. His name is Tommy he goes to Lehi High and its sadies. Roaring twenties theme! Should I start posting outfits on here? Maybe? Oh and while we're at it, I haven't shaved since halloween. And I'm wearing a dress. Right now. In public. Oh well. Have a good weekend and be safe!

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

speak kind words

Speech that heals is like the life giving tree, but a preverse tongue breaks the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:31&32

I challenge you to open your scriptures. God truly speaks to us through them.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

my big nose.

Sometimes I tell people that my mom is part jewish. She's not. I just need an explanation for my big nose. With a bump in it. I've wanted a nose job as long as I can remember. Before I knew what a nose job really was. But I look all the women I look up to have big noses, with bumps in it. My mom,aunt and Nanny. They're beautiful. And so am I. Bumpy nose included. It fits my face. I can wear a middle part with my nose and pull it off. An hour ago I tried writing on here. But everything I wrote was super sad. But now I'm happy again. I seem to be bipolar(I'm not). I alway's feel so weak when I cry. I hold it all in. And then about once a month I get SUPER depressed. And cry for like two days straight. And you know what I realized? Its okay to cry and be sad and mourn my life of what could of beens. Because I heard somewhere that crying makes you strong. It means that you're still alive. That you have feelings and that you can make it through this. But it also doesn't mean that we can not completely pity ourselves. Its okay to have our crying sessions but we also need to realize that people love us and that we have a purpose in life. Because God didn't send us here to be lost and alone. He sent us here to try us. He trusted us so much that he sent us down here to live. Wow, he really loves us. 

This weekend I slept over at nolles. Watched mean girls and that thing you do. Realized I should of been born in the sixties because the clothes are to DIE for(: Slept over with emma, aubree and Nolle in one room. Oh on tuesday is my other mommy's birthday!!! Surprise party! shhhh its a secret! I laid on the floor with these cute girls and laughed until I made no sound. Ultimate therapy session. Saturday went shopping and out to dinner with Jordyn, Krista, and Sean. Drove for the first time since the wreck to anywhere besides blockbuster. I like driving, I don't like being the passenger so much. I tend to cry whenever I'm in a car. I'm working on it. But driving I'm okay. Then I'm in control. Spent saturday/sunday night in saltlake with the mom. Had super fun.Slept alot. Watched multiple chickflicks and read memoirs of a geisha(thanks krista!). Missed Veronica. She got to me to realize how much I'm worth. Along with multiple other people...Nolle, Mom, Abbie sawyer, Linze, Alex, Krista. The people I love. Oh and of COURSE caley:) 

Things I'm loving right now.

1. Laughing and playing in the fall leaves(goes without saying stepping on crunchy leaves)

Laughing at midnight until I make no sound with Emma and Nolle.

Actually just Emma and Nolle in general.

This picture that Veronica sent me. She's inspired.

The fact that my nephew Grant is four. 

This beautiful wedding set.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Dear prince charming.

Dear future husband.
I'm feeling a little lonely.I wish I knew who you are. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could laugh with you. I wish I could be holding your hand. I wish I was facing life with you. Soon. I hope. You're amazing. I don't even know you. But I'm not going to settle. I've made mistakes with boys who weren't good enough for me. Not anymore. We're gonna be good parents. I can feel it. We're gonna have fun gettting lost together. And exploring museums and restaraunts. And making music together. I am so excited to find you. Come soon? Actually come when its the right time. I don't want to mess this up. Its inevitable that we are going to have hard times. But we can get through them. Know why? Because we love eachother. You're one heck of a guy. You're amazing. And strong. And slightly crazy. Because you chose me, with all my  weirdness and problems and singing at weird moments. What if I know you already? Would that be weird? What if I don't know you. I hope you know I think of you every night. And I wish on stars about you. And wherever you are, I hope you're thinking of me too.I love you. To the moon and back.
Love,
Your future wife.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Cheated.

I'm going lesbian.

Alright, I'm not.

But I feel like it.

Yeah it hurts.

I have all these emotions running through my head.

Am I not good enough?

Am I too weird for my own good?

I want to write cuss words on pottery and smash it on the ground.

Or give it as a gift.

Sixteen and I already know my future.

Destined to be a cat lady.

With 79 cats.

I'll speak cat language and eat cat food.

Oh and live in a swamp.

Of course.

Sometime's I just feel like there's no hope for me and people with penises.

Insensitive? yeah slightly.

I think I'm pretty enough.

To snag a boy.

I mean I held hands with a guy last night.

I liked it.

We didn't kiss and it was perfect.

Why can't I find love?

Should I quit looking.

See what happens.

But I need to be proactive about it.

This is making my tummy hurt.

And my head.

I heard that there is a soul mate for everyone.

Why am I still alone then?
Maybe my standards are too high.

Maybe if I dated guy's who weren't "cool".

Guys who I'm not physically attracted to.

Different races.

Forget that.

I'm getting my blonde kids.

Not going to lower my standards.
Ironic placement of sentence.

When its the time for me to be in love, God will help me.

I won't change to get a guy.

Oh I guess I'll wait.

Because I'm holding out for a hero.

In the mean time. I'll stick with my BEST FRIEND/SISTER.
She's a 100% homophobe.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Thank you peter pan.

Survived my first haunted house. Big accomplishment for this girl. real life. Once upon a time, there were these people in my neighborhood. they had a "haunted house" in their garage every year. There was a little girl named Clara {refered to as maggot, by some of her not so nice class mates}. She wanted her candy,donuts and hot chocolate. But she couldn't get it until she went through the stupid garage. (not bitter or anything) they would turn on all the lights, turn off the music, and she would cry her way through. Well her fear of haunted houses followed to adult hood. (alright...sixteenhood). One day carmel asked me to go to a haunted house. I said yes. I needed to confront her fears and didn't want to be seen as a wuss. More of reason 2 then reason 1.

Just call me madame Luna

She I and becoming a t-a for Mr. Logan. Went to my little brothers halloween class party. Figured out if I'd  was in the sixth grade right now, I'd be hella popular. Born five years too early I tell ya. Took a nap. Had Lauren come over to play for a little bit. Then handed out candy. My father got mad at me for giving too much candy to each kid. SOOOOOORRRY. not. only young once right? Loved seeing the costumes. got four numbers. Loved complimenting the kids.

Then Carmel met me halfway to the car. In the car  were five beautiful girls. Of course. You know heaven forbid I can't act like an idiot in front of ugly people. We drove. Tail gated a huge cemi. Forget the possible out comes that could of happened. When they pulled up to the haunted house "Awakening". Frightening right? First thing seen as driving into the parking lot? A ten foot tall monster. Carmel drags Clara to the door of the place. But before she even gets there, the ten foot tall monster see's Clara. Clara starts freaking out. The stupid monster follows her and they run a BLOCK AND A HALF away. Oh man. Thats bad. Hello wimp. Wimp and proud. Imagine me screaming, and running, and all the other girls laughing hysterically at me.

I would seriously consider dating him.

I get calmed down. I'm not gonna go in. I'm gonna sit in the lobby and wait. But oh no. Carmel has other plans for me. She pay's for my ticket. {$14}. Thats alot of money when you're constantly broke! I get up the stairs. Get literally dragged into the door. In there I meet two guys, ben and parker. Parker was dressed up as Peter Pan. Okay time to go to the real haunted house. Freaking out. But no..Parker grabs my hand and takes me down in to a certain death. (most likely by heart attack then murder, but dying all the same). I wouldn't look at anything but the floor. But once a guy drops out at me and I start to scream, which quickly turns into laughter. Parker is holding onto my hand and I bring my head up. I can do this. I'm brave. Plus I have a cute guy holding my hand. I realized if I sass mouthed the monsters it wasn't scary. In fact, it turned out to be a BUNCH of  fun! Thank you Parker. I'm sorry I called you Peter  all night. I never claimed to be good with names. Oh and you know I wouldn't be offended if you asked me for my number. You know after holding your hand for an hour. Oh and I can not believe I turned into one of "those" girls. The one who gets all scared and cuddles with boys cause of it.

babes.

So long story short. We have to face our fears. Because maybe we overthing stuff in our heads. Maybe something we consider scary will be funny. Or good for us. Like falling for the right guy(so I've been told). Going out on a limb and going back to school after you wreck your car and have no friends. Finding faith  on the way down. Standing up for someone. Not taking no for an answer.  God will keep us safe. Happy first of november!!!

like our new friend??

THE monster I ran away from. No big deal. He's also a pole dancer.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

GOOD WEEK:)

Well its officialy monday! the last day of october! or you know {HALLOWEEN!}

not like im excited or anything. cause im obviously not.

quick recap of the weekend. 1. Went to the "banana leaf" with alex, rachel, and krista, mommy and mike. YUMMY. in love with their#2 which is pa'an with curry. get it. nolle, im taking you. soon. Had a sleepover with alex. went to walmart at 2 in the morning. saturday night. played with carmel! Picked up nolle, and i wanted to see her more this weekend. she's my best friend. forever. even when she is miss grumpikins. she's still my favorite forever and alway's. We went to savers, got my halloween costume {gypsy} me and nolle are gypsy's together!!! ran into alex. then nolle went home. then me and carmel went to panda express and then saw the movie footloose. Fell in love with a song. (coming soon). wished i could dance. danced out of the movie theater. and was inspired to wear my cowboy boots. sunday. went to dinner with daddy ,and rachel came over and we did spanish. and goofed off. i feel like she's my sister .she is so pretty and fun and so easy for me to talk to. 

Goals for the week.

1. Take spanish test

2. read 1984 and Brave New World

3. Tune my guitar and start playing it more.

4. read a chapter of the bible each night

5. unfreeze my gym member ship. and actually start going. (nolle, talk to me about this one)

6. Finish writing the song about ex boyfriend. 

7. Pray more.

8. Go to bed before 11 each night. (failing right now)

9. do practice math questions for the act.

10. go out of my way to help someone each day.

 awww..its little alice in wonderland:)

 halloween last year

were really cute siblings!

davids face...

HAPPY HALOWEEN!

have a good halloween and first week of november:)

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Contrasting

I'm quiet yet loud.

Out going but shy.

I'm at rest while being unpeaceful.

I want to stay home when I go out.

Contrast like hot and cold.

I want people to notice me while I stay against the wall.

I'm confident when I'm feeling worthless.

I want to be the same while trying to stand out.

I am happy while I'm sad.

Contrast like summer and winter.

I want to change but stay myself.

I want life to make sense but still be full of mystery.

I want to be in love and be able to mingle.

I want to get be feel pain and not get hurt.

Contrast like red and blue.

I want a religion while worshipping on my own.

I want to stay young and grow up

I want my old life back and to keep this one.

I want to be lost and found at the same time.

Contrast like fire and ice.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Coffee shop love.

I might be smitten. Or enchanted. Or a little wonderstruck.

pick one. I feel them all. 

I met a guy. He's a cutie. He made me my coffee.

He said I have pretty sparkly eyes.

I told him I liked his beard.

Is it possible to love someone you don't even know?

Because this might be happening.

I went all shy around him. But at the same time wanted to open up to him.

Open mic poetry night at the coffe pod with alex. Eventful to say the least.

The one guy who kept on hogging the mike. 

Alex reading an amazing poem.

Me reading a not so amazing poem and blushing the whole way through.

Realizing I love having someone who I can tell my hardest stuff too.

Thinking about posting an ad on craigslist. Under "missed encounters"

Do you think he'll call me if I do?

White mocha hazlenut latte. Heaven in a cup. Warm and perfect.

 I like being able to tell my deepest secrets to complete strangers. In the form of words.

Or music. 

Should I go for it? 

Even though I'm young?
Who knew you could really find love in a coffee shop?

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Can't sleep.

A few hours late. But Happy Birthday. I know I am nothing to you. And I'm trying to make you nothing to me. But Happy Birthday. Maybe if I'd of told you, I would of been able to sleep. Maybe I'm just jacked on caffeine. Maybe I notice that I can't be around you with out you staring at me. Maybe I hear your friends whisper your and my name when I walk by. Maybe I'm a nothing to you. But happy birthday. For your birthday I give you the gift of happiness. And I'm telling you to move on. Because I need to. And so do you. We're no good for each other. We want different things. We are gonna end up different places. Please don't ever come into my life again. If I were to never see you again, maybe life would be better for me. I think of you everyday. Out of habit, or love. I don't know which. I can't move on. Why? We don't even talk. Yep. I've met other guys. But none of them are what I need. I don't have this need to be around them all the time. Maybe someday we will be together. Will writing you this letter give me peace? Because I'm stuck on you. And you hold my heart. Even though you told me you never ever cared about me. Why don't I believe you about that. Maybe we're not meant to be lovers. Maybe we're not meant to be friends. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I'm losing my mind over you. Maybe one day we will be together. Maybe not. But can we just possibly maybe be friends in the meantime?

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Shhhh...its a secret

1. My most emberassing moment EVER was at  a dance. I got really into the dance. And I danced with this boy.  I was wearing a dress that didn't have sleeves. After the last slow dance, the lights turned on. I had had my arms around him, and there was sweatmarks on his jacket. From my armpits. And a different boy pointed it out.
2. In 8th grade I liked two boys, which  I nicknamed {whisky} and {milk chocolate}-for his eyes.
3. In 1st grade I was called a maggot by a boy in my neighborhood. It stuck with me.
4. I have an abnormal amount of gas inside my body. You know if you were to fart for 7years and 9 months contnually, you would have enough energy to create an atomic bomb. Lets get working!!
BONUS!!!! I think farting is HILARIOUS. and I am  a REALLY good burper. I could probably win some competitions. Also I do really good loogies in case you were wondering.
5. When I was in sixth grade, I went to my brothers baseball game. There I met a boy named John.And I thought I was gonna marry him. I knew where he lived, and at this certain light I  alway's made my dad turn left so we  could drive by his house. (then I'd look in his window if I could see him) oh my gawsh.
6. I am AFRAID as all get out. Of chucky cheese.
7. I sleep with a nightliht. Shaped like a cat. With a pink lightbulb in it.
8. I have a bitty baby. And yep, I still dress it for the seasons and holidays.
9. I sleep with my baby blanket. Its name is pretty.
10. Sometimes I pee my pants a little.
11. When I was little, I wanted to be an opera singer. Or an orphanage director.
12. I really want a pet hedgehog.
13. Once I sat on a swing set. It broke.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

I stole a cat.

Had one of those nights. You know the kind where you're feeling all depressed and down. And you have no idea why. Yes, you went to the movies with your best friend. And got to look at Ryan Gossling shirtless. But still a little lonely. Sometime's I feel like I'm the only person who feels like I do. I want to be like the beauty queens that surround me. I want to be the perfect girl. With the good grades, clothes, family, boyfriend, craftiness, funny, people are drawn to her. But I'm just little flawed me. And sometimes I feel like its not enough. Even though I know that it is. like I might be lonely for the rest of my life. I can't particularly see anyone smiling when they hear my name. Jumping for joy for giving me a hug good night. Trying to find the truth in love songs for me. I mean who would like me? I'm Clara Toni Dahl. 5'6. Naturally blonde. Sometimes I'm too obnoxious. I have a loud laugh. Find joy in simplest things. I have my fat tummy, and my skinny butt. Actually. Guess what. I just found out who likes me. Clara Toni Dahl. Perfect:) I like myself. I LIKE MYSELF. Do you heart that!?!?!?!?! Well just thought I'd like to point that out. Oh and not like it matters or anything...but there's a guy who likes me too. No big deal. Not like I make up hypothetical kissing scenarios while laying in bed. Right. Creep.

Oh and Jack likes me too.

I'm the one with the BANGS. And swimshirt. Once a whitie, alway's a whitie. 

Donated blood, and saved 3(yes you heard that right THREE ladies and Gents) lifes.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

HOME!

Home is where your heart is:)

Right Home is where Mr. David Charles Dahl is.

My best friend. Who when I asked him to bring me up breakfast this morning, he brought me a bowl of carrots.I love him! (although some ranch would of gone good with those carrots)

I got home from tex-ass last night!

And boy did I LOVE everysecond of it.

Highlights of the trip:

1. Touring University of Texas with my GORGEOUS sister. And getting told we're gorgeous by every street vendor.

2. Realizing how excited I am for life, and how amazing its gonna be!

3. The love and admiration my niece has for me.

4. Went to TWO halloween festivals.

5. Being completely me and sarcastic

6. Hearing my name yelled across a field filled with bouncy houses, by my three year old nephew.

7. Realizing a little sisterly competition is good.

8. Seeing my babies Lucy and Michael.

9. Seeing Miss Ashley. Yep we live forty minutes a part, but I have to go to Texas to see her.

10. Getting complimented on my "aura" by a complete stranger.

11. Coming home to hugs.

12. Being thought of as "AWESOME" when I dont have make up on and just want to lay on the couch.

13. My hugs and kisses I got randomly through out the trip

Stopping with number 13, because its David's lucky number:)There fore its mine too!

Well techincally...I SHOULD be doing my spanish portfolio. But nah. I don't have any more A.C.T. prep (PRAISE THE LORD) so I'm gonna do it tonight.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

How sweet the sound

"Amazing Grace how sweet the sound....I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see"

I woke up this morning subconciously humming this song. My first thought was of my Lord. Not of a boy, not of worrying about spanish, not of drama, not wishing my family was together.

I am literally made free by the love of the Lord.

Doesn't mean I wont have bad days, it just means I'll have more strength to get through them.

Its gonna be a good week! I mean how could it not be!? When my first thought monday morning is how much God and Jesus love me.

I may not belong to any one religion, but I like my spirituality. Of course the
 Bible is extremely helpful, and I read it every night and morning, and sometimes in the middle of the day. I started reading it each day as a chalenge, but now I look forward to it!

The shack--William P. Young

Yes I know that is a work of "fiction" but it helped me alot. I really think you need to read it. If you need a copy, I'll willingly get you one.

It made me realize that bad things happen, and its not our fault. And yes, God  could stop them, but he doens't. Because it is all part of a bigger picture that we do not not know about yet.

I love my God and Savior, and I hope you do too!

Yep it takes work, and we got to open our heart up to him!

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Guess who is reading the Harry Potter series?
Again.

9 times in 2 years can't hurt right?
I'm prepping for my marathon with Nolle and Krista.
I make A LOT of references to Harry Potter.
I love the morals. Good triumphs evil. But not without hardships. True.

My favorite character is Luna. I used to be called "Luna" at my old school.
I like Luna because she's her own person. No bull crap. Plus her whispy voice matches my "speech therapy" voice.

If someone were to propse to me like this...

{note that the chapter is the "unbreakable vow"}

I'd say yes. In less then a heart beat.
Expecto Patronum.
I alway's get told I'd be a hufflepuff. Or a Raven Claw.
As long as I'm not a slytherin I'm okay.
I'm sleazy for Fred Weasley.

Or maybe Percy.
My favorite guy character is Nevil. Of course.
My favorite book is the Fourth. Alway's has been. Alway's will.

I read the second book before I read the first.
Whoever I marry, Must appreciate Harry Potter as much as I do.
Maybe I'll just marry Ron.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}