falling from the sky, being caught.

I know that my redeemer lives. What comfort this sweet sentence gives. 

I mess up. And god loves me still. This I know. 

Minor miracle of the night. I was driving with my Natalie, and the snow made us stop in the middle of an intersection. Not stop per say, but get stuck. The light turned red for us, and we realized that if we didn't move that we would get hit. I decided to pray, and in the moment of saying amen, it was as if we were being pushed by another car out of the intersection saving us from a wreck. There was nobody behind us. I can say with all my heart that we were being watched over. I am grateful to  be alive, no matter how hard life is. Also, on a hill, my car got stuck as did a bunch of other cars. I started pushing my car, it went up, so I decided to push the other cars. People started getting out of their cars in the pouring snow and helped me push. It was amazing, every single person who helped me push a car, their car started and got up that hill with no trouble once they tried again. I know that these two little snow miracles might not seem like much, but they are exactly what i needed to know at this time of my life. 

Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Sweet heart. Bitch. Sweetheart.

 I'm not going to lie, high school was not my shining moment of glory.

I heard my reputation once. "Too nice"

Clara's quirky. Maybe a little too quirky.

She is too accepting.

She just has weirdos following her around.

(Also I would like to point out the fact that I'm so nice over ruled my reputation as the girl who came to school with a cat printed somewhere on her clothing at least twice a week.)

Now I don't see why this is a bad thing, this is the kind of thing that would make me happy if it were to be told to my face.

But it wasn't. It was told behind my back, by a girl who thought qualities like trying to be non judgmental are something to be ashamed of.

I am judgemental. I am a little bit of a bitch. Okay. A lot of a bitch. But I'm trying.

I know how much pain there is in this world and I don't want to add anymore pain by thinking someones not wearing the right clothes.

I do talk bad about people. It's hard not to. Get with someone whom you share acquaintances with. And unless it's a business/professional relationship, the truth of the matter is that gossip is going to come out of it.

I see someone and I do the whole thing in my head. I judge them. Based on outward appearances.

But than I remind myself that they are children of god. And personalities over ride looks.

And I am not better than anyone else. Ever.

I'm trying. I'm trying to be honest and real with people. Not be all sugary and sweet.

I'm working.

 I'm human. 

I'm trying.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Still a hopeless romantic

But sometimes the timing is off. There are also the wrong kind of love. Where it's not pure unadulterated love. You realize that there is a spark, but someone is in it for the wrong reason. Be you or the other person. Maybe you just want so desperately to be in love, that you will take anyone who will have you. But that's not fair to you or the person. And you lead them on even though  you don't mean to. But you feel so desperate that sometimes leading them on seems like the best idea. You tend to over analyze, every single word you decipher and try to read into the deeper meaning. Even though the words are meant to be taken at face value.  And you see those couples holding hands. And when other girls tell you the stories about their boyfriends, you just sit and smile while you're in your own mind. So  I'll sit and wait for him to come along. And I'll accept the heartbreak on the way.  

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

hopeless romantic

I'm the girl whose parents got divorced and decided to swear off love. Until she realized at the tender age of fourteen while lying in bed, that she is not her parents. The girl who gets butterflies just by making eye contact. Someone who will look at pictures of weddings, and hope that someday she can get a smile on her face due to begin so in love. She has not yet been in love, She's  got almost and maybes and what happened here baby but not a real love. And every time she thinks maybe this could be the one, and it isn't she hurts. Yes, so bad. But she doesn't give up. Even though sometimes when she's in the process of falling, she realizes that she  will most likely get hurt. But she falls anyway, because of that teeny tiny almost invisible chance that maybe this will be the time that is different. That one person, who you know that you want to share your past, present, and future with. There will be that guy who the silences aren't awkward when you're around him. The guy that maybe holding hands with will make you feel like you  can take on the world with. He's out there. He's looking for me. And you  have to believe this. Because trying wouldn't be worth the effort if you didn't believe this. Maybe it's just the  fairytales told a young age that makes all this seem like it could exist. But you realize it's the people you watch who you can tell are in love. The couple who still after twenty five years of marriage still go on dates and call each other baby. And the chances of finding a love like this are slim to none, but maybe just maybe you can defy the odds. You can be that small percent that finds an earth shattering soul breaking love. You know that a love like this is worth fighting for, and once you find it you will do all you can do to not let go. So don't be afraid since you haven't had good examples of love around that it doesn't exist. Realize that you write your own story and you get to pick the ending. Happily Ever After.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Out of mind. Into my heart.

Yeah we have a fighting chance.

I've got my intuition.

And this time I'm listening to it.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

look what you've done to me autumn

Oh I love fall. 

So much.

 Carving pumpkins.

Colors.

Pumpkin spiced anything. 

Sweaters and boots.

Chilly nights that justify an arm around my shoulder and moving closer in together.

Tea.

Good books.

Benches become much more enjoyable.

Drives up the canyon.

Afternoon walks.

Chilly nights.

Warm Coats.

Crisp air.

More time in coffee shops.

{one year ago. almost to the day}

{sweet dreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be patient

Keep calm and be patient.

Everything will work out. 

Don't over think things.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Strong

Girl child. 

You are strong.

You will get through this.

It's okay to break down and cry sometimes.

Just know that you just need to get back onto your feet. Even if it takes quite a while on your knees to get into a standing position.
You are a survivor.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Be so so careful....

so much running through this little girl child mind of mine. am i a woman or a child? i thought i was at the adult stage. but here i am stepping into this strange new adventure as scared as i was on the first day of kindergarten with my hello kitty back pack. 17. not a child. not an adult. i've had a hard life. i want to be happy. but i'll push it away. go for it. i feel the pressures of being a woman.  i'm too young.i'm too old.  i'm too scared. i don't see what there is to like in me. i'm weird. i don't listen to the right music. i don't wear the right clothes. i'll bring up something  at completely wrong moment. i'm not the kind of girl that you can show off. i'm opinionated and i won't always be wearing makeup. i would rather hold your hand as compared to kissing you. because i like you. because holding hands means that your in this together.when you put that stupid pillow over your eyes and kissed me. i felt butterflies. not the little monarchs either. but huge bright blue butterflies doing the waltz in my stomach. i had the stupid idea that i should grab your hand and put it over my chest. so you could feel the crazy dance that my heart has been doing since you came around. words don't do it justice. i never really believed the stupid little smile that thinking of a name could put on your face. but you put that smile on my face. im scared. i don't want to have these feelings. they're inconvenient. and not expected. and that might be why they hit me so hard. i wish you would of come with a warning label. 

"warning this boy will make you fall for him. fall for his laugh. his eyes. how he makes you feel when you're around him. he'll keep you guessing. don't get involved. and if you do be so so careful."

but maybe i don't want to be careful. maybe i just want to dive into this head first at the speed of a comet hurdling to the earth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

How did I become so awesome?

a

I'm a nun. SO SUE ME.

This is the power of make up I tell you.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

College girl

Here I am at college. At the ripe old age of 17. Unable to sign a waiver or my dorm room lease. It's strange, but a welcome kind of strange. I have a feeling I'll like it here. I've already done quite a few things:

1. Wore my red cowgirl boots for good luck. 

2. Got blisters on my right foot from said boots. {worth it}

3. Figured out the shuttle schedule. 

4. Wrote two papers.

5. Met charming lovely people. 

6. Didn't show up more than 10 minutes late for any class.

7. Decided the second day of school would be a good day to barf.

8.  Missed my baby brother who started middle school today. 

9. Bought all my text books.  

10 .Experienced first day nerves. 

11. Applied for student counsel. 

12. Decided to sign up for greek rush. 

13. Got Skype. 

14. Bought a parking permit.

15  Decorated my dorm room dang cute.

16. Decided that I am going to hold my head HIGH. No more looking at the ground. Because yes I have a past, but that doesn't mean that I can't be happy today. I'm looking people in the eyes because I have nothing to be ashamed of. Realizing I am an awesome girl with a lot of kindness and opinion to offer. I'm smiling at strangers. Because I know what it's like feeling like I don't know a soul, and no one cares about me. Smiling at people makes me feel better, because maybe, just maybe, I'm bringing a little bit of sunshine to that persons day. And 

17. Declared my major to special ed.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Polka dots and Sundays

Loving my new polkadot ginormous sweater. I think that sunday is to be a lazy day...big comfy clothes and not bothering to brush your hair. A nice day for shopping. And the bible. And family. And taking pictures on photo booth.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Oh boy i smooshed you like a fly

I would like to be the "girl friend" instead of the "booty call".

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Its been a real long time mr. blonde boy

I am in Europe. Croatia to be exact. And all I want to do is hold your hand.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Hobby and Jobs

I once said the word awkward was invented to describe me. 

If awkward is my hobby, than  being the 3rd wheel is my job.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Um yes this is true

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or every single sight. 

The first sight of the day. 

The first sight of the week. 

The forty seventh sight of the day.

Even though you ended it forever ago.

And you're on the phone with your mom.

Damn it. SAY HELLO TO ME.

Because I sure ain't going to grow the balls to say hello anytime soon.

 

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Favorite

I'll blog in a little bit.  After school or later. Most likely later.

Current favorite things

Climbing a tree for the very first time 

Bike rides with my all time best friend

Crushing on a guy with a mustache

Whose number I got at a movie theatre.

Some what like this. 

But younger and still alive.

And cuter.

I have good taste.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Kelly Clarkson and the Olsen twins

Sometimes I get sort of pissy.

Then I listen to depressing slow break up songs.

Because they help.

Then I decide that some good chocolate would be a good idea.

Than I remember that I'm going to be leaving for Italy in 50 days and I want to be skinny there.

So I get in my car thinking the whole way. And doing my best Kelly Clarkson impersonation.

I realize everything will be okay.

And for Gods sake I'm 22 day's away from 17.

Its not like my biological clock is going to be running out anytime soon.

I have my whole life for relationships, work, and adult things.
So why do I have this strong urge for a perfect boy?

Probably because every movie I watched as a little girl{yes I'm implying Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen}

wasn't ever until the girl got the guy.

So what if my personal movie is going a little bit longer?

Sue me.

20 days I'll be graduated. People can think whatever the heck they want to about me.

I know I'm a good person and thats all that matters.

First Frappe's of the season

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

A night to remember

{corsage and raine}

 Yes  I went to prom. I wore a perfectly pretty pink flowy long gown. Bright yellow high heels. Every time I took a step my gown swept across my ankles. Making me feel that the ocean was lapping at my feet.  I felt like I was in a disney movie. Yes it was better than what I've been dreaming about since I was a little girl. We got our hair and makeup done. We had the cheesey pictures of putting on the bootunaire and corsages. We went to dinner at the tree room at Sundance. Amazing food, lots of laughter. We would of upset a proper lady from our obscene behavior. Walked around and it was beautiful with the river rushing through and the super moon. The moon which was so close you  could see the craters, reminding you that even something so bright has flaws.  The dance was a highschool dance. Had cheesecake and a beautiful drive to Lehi while listening  to our favorite love songs. I had an amazing group who didn't make it feel like we were going to a stiff awkward formal. No Raine, Carson, and Nolle made it beautiful. Realized that love wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. A night to remember. No matter how cliche the words are.
{I'll have more pics once I upload them off my camera}

{ I am so unbelievably lucky to have these brilliant people in my life}

{Yes we are soulmates. In some strange way we were destined for  eachother}

{sweet dreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

What a beautiful inconveniance

A boyfriend would be an inconveniance.

Thats what I'm telling everyone.

I mean in a little less than four months I'll be in college. Wherever that may be.

Plus I'm going to Europe for a few weeks in july.

I won't be able to have a random fling with some european guy who only sings in italian.

I won't be able to flirt at 7-peaks to get my ice cream for free.

I mean it might just make me put my dreams on hold.

Not get the whole crazy college girl life I've been thinking of.

It would be a horribley huge inconveniance.

An inconveniance to lie on a hill and watch fireworks go off.

An inconveniance to hold his hand and wish on stars.

An inconveniance to go to random concerts and kiss on my favorite bridge.

A welcome and beautiful inconveniance that would be.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Wishing well, wishing well I need your help

I know if you say your wish out loud it won't come true.

As if saying it out loud is too close to actually hoping it might come true.

Making you vulnerable.

This isn't out loud. Its written. For the whole world to see.

I am open to being vulnerable. Even though its hard.

Wishes:

1. An Earth shattering, life changing, soul saving love.

2. A need for me on this earth.

3. To live in a little old house with a front porch and big trees.

4. To go to a place where I'm annonymous.

5. To have beauitul healthy babies.

6. To have my singing voice back and to sing everywhere. cafes. street. maddison square gardens.

7. For you to know that you are loved.

8. For baby blue eyes to notice I saw him in his blue shirt. And  for him or me to get the courage to talk.

9. The opportunity to never lose my love for learning.

10. To alway's keep a healthy body.

11. An earth shattering, life changing soul changing love.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Letter to a lover

20 seconds of insane courage. Or complete insanity is all that is needed to make the stupidest but possibly best decision of my life. 20 seconds to walk up to you and give you this letter. This letter to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way things ended between us. I'm sorry for calling you an a-hole. I'm sorry I allowed things to get to the level that they did. I'm sorry we didn't work out. I'm sorry for believing you when you said you cared. I didn't get the memo that it was all a game,  just words, not feelings. except for me it was feelings. Real, deep, life changing feelings. I don't think you're a bad person, I think you're letting your - how should we word this?- hormones take over your brain. I think- wait -I know you're going good places in life. Me? I don't know what I'm going to do. Be happy, try to figure things out. I guess I'm okay not knowing what I'm going to do tomorrow, or matter of fact what i'll be doing in ten minutes. I'm content living life one teeny tiny second at a time. I guess I wrote you this letter for closure but I found it on my own. So this is a letter to say goodbye. Maybe. But I'd be happy with a hello again I've missed and thought about you letter. This is a come what may and love it letter. This is a letter I wrote just for you. I'm crossing my fingers that this letter doesn't end up in the trash. What am I doing while you're reading this letter? Trying to remember how to breathe. Wishing for a letter back and then laughing at that silly idea. And yes I still do love you. I alway's will. But I can be happy without you.

Goodbye to the past, and hello the future.Wether you're in it or not.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

i am not...i'm so much more

I am not a brunette. I am not a bully. I am not french. I am not a genious. I am not a model. I am not a slut. I am not a religious girl. I am not a fully non-judgemental person. I am not a lesbian. I am not popular. I am not an athlete. I am not  crafty. I am not a good hand writer. I am not a fabulous driver. I am not a perfect daughter. I am not a girl who gets asked on dates. I am not ugly. I am not that different from you.

Lets focus on the I ams.

I am beautiful in my own way. I am a motivated hard worker. I am a person who gives chances. I am an adventurer. I am a reader. I am a skiier. I am a friend. I am a decent driver. I am a dreamer. I am classy. I am nice. I am spiritual. I am a person I like.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Guess what?

I'm going to prom. {!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$6:.7$!!!!!//kgafgghhbeep!!!!}

The words never came out right

Have you ever been in love?

At the tender age of 15 I thought I was.

Again at 16.

With the same boy.

The feeling that you would do anything for him.

You would even let him go if thats what it took to make him happy.

They say if you like the same person for more than four months its love, not a crush anymore.

This song for some reason makes me weak at the knees.

This is going to be the song during the moment.

The moment I know I'm completely in love

{sweetdreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

I'm perfectly fine with that

I'm just a girl who laughs to hard and dreams to much.

 I'm fine with that.

I'm just a girl who sings to often and drives to fast.

I'm fine with that.

 I'm just a girl who flirts to little and reads to deep.

I'm fine with that.

I'm just a girl who runs to slow and wants to see to much.

 I'm fine with that.

 I'm just a girl who drinks to much tea and eats to much sweets.

 I'm fine with that.

 I'm just a girl who is her own person.

 I'm perfectly fine with that.

{sweet dreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

knocking on your door

I still have the feeling that something good is going to happen.

No I haven't been asked to prom yet {may 5} and I most likely won't.

I picked out my dress just in case though. Its yellow. like a canary.

If I was skinnier I'd have a date.

If I was ditzier I'd have a date.

If I was wittier I'd have a date.

If I prettier I'd hav a date.
I realized though, that its not my fault.

I am beautiful enough, smart enough, nice enough.

And so are you.

The right boy for me won't care that I love to sing music from the 60's at the top of my lungs.

He won't judge me on the clothes that I wear to school.

{best friend works}
He'll be proud to call me his.

I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.

I won't settle.

I know that I could have a boyfriend if I lowered my standards of boy's.

But I won't.

I want him to be nice to not just me, but everyone he meets.

I want a boy who is ambitious and knows that he  wants to go somewhere in his life.

He doesn't have to know what, but he is working hard anyway.

When I was flying home from Texas, I was looking at the cars that look the size of ants.
 I realized that my future soul mate could very well be in one of those cars right then.

Don't think that its your fault that you didn't get asked to prom.

Because its a stupid dance.

And despite not getting asked you WILL still get married.

Don't think you'll end up being a lonely crazy old cat lady.

There's hope.

Highschool boy's are seriously immature.

We really don't know who we are yet.

When the time is right, that boy will come a-knocking.

It might not be soon.

It might be months, or years in fact.

You just have to learn in those years.

Learn what things make you happy.

What things make you sad.

Dream and learn.

So I know you're lonely, but don't be.

Someone will come along who is so amazing and nice and sweet and handsome.

He'll make you forget about any other boy that broke your heart.
He will love you .

Remember patience is a virtue.

Hold out for a hero.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Why?

Cool. I'm a complete loser. Blogging holding a fake baby at the vow{movie}_. I have given up on prom. and it makes me cry. But I've gone through much harder things. This still hurts though. Sometimes I wish I knew what gods plan is. I don't understand I had to have my family ripped apart. Why I had to have my innocence taken away by molestation at 11. Why I can't keep friends. Why people don't like me. Why my car got totaled. Why I can't even get asked to prom for the one year i could go. I know everything happens for a reason but I wish i knew what the reason was. Can't something go right for me? Help god. I'm lost and tired. I try to be happy but it's do hard.

Whats shakin sexy?

{best part of my week. by far.}

Little bo peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them.

Although its more like she lost her wits, and I'm bo peep.

I'm getting a baby simulator for the weekend, and am minorly excited.

I know this is a bit backwards since the project is to deter teen pregnancy.

But I can't wait to be a mom.

I can't wait to be pregnant and drink tea with a big belly and a good book.

I can't wait to realize that a baby will be living inside me.

I'm a girl, and being so I have a nurturing side.

I don't like seeing people hurt, and I get along fairly well with children.

I love playing princesses, construction, doctor, name it I love it.

I love the feel of a baby in my arms.

Although I wont' be having a baby anytime soon. Just a fake one.

I want to go to college and get a career and then I can start thinking of a baby.

Because its pretty much physically impossible for me to have a baby.

Unless I will be the next virgin mary.

Sorry for being sac religious.

Its the weekend. Finally.

This week seemed to drag on--and on--and on--and on--and on--and on--you get the point.

I'm glad to be graduating so I don't have to deal with waiting and hoping and wishing to get asked to a dance, and then not. Even though EVERYONE around you is getting asked. Even the people you think are kind of strange {although who are you to judge?}.

And you?

You just ever so slyly check your front porch everyday for weeks hoping that today is the day. Even though it never really is.

So what am I doing instead of prom you ask?

Getting my wisdom teeth out.

Sweet.

Awesome.

Chill.

How did my life get this awesome?

Prom...nah I'll get my wisdom teeth out instead.

Pretty dress with cute boy....nah topknot and lortab.

Although if I were to get asked{I really really really really really really really want to} I could change the day of my surgery.

Although lets not get too ahead of ourselves here.

This week I am grateful for

1. Flannel Friday

2. The monkey picture on top of my blog

3. Carrots

4. Cafe Rio multiple times

5. My best friend Nib and my other bestfriend Carson

6. The books bloom by Kelle Hampton & Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson

7. Great looking tracker bracelets for a-mentioned fake baby

8. The girls in p.e.

9. My sister, niece, and nephew

10. THe oppurtunity I have been blessed with to get a good education

11.Passing all my classes after missing a week of school

12. Gods little everyday miracles

13. Rainboots even though its not raining 

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Topknotts and sperrys=weekend

{Don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start.}

Its almost the weekend. One more morning of waking up and getting ready.

Then a top knot,sperrys, and glasses for two days.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Silly girl crushes are for kids

The feeling of the  tingles in your chest when you see him.

The laying awake at night wishing you could just be with him.

The trying to get up the courage to talk to him.
But then making yourself believe he doesn't want you to.
Maybe he does.
Maybe he misses you as much as you miss him.
Maybe you're telling yourself this to make the pain hurt less.
I can't stand it.
I am head over heels.
With someone I don't even know anymore.
I want closure.
But more than that I want him.

 The laughing at some memory of him.

The telling your bestfriend you're over him.
The confusion of a  crush.

{I got senior pics taken}

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Darling will you make me pancakes?

Have you ever had the feeling?

You know the one.

The little one where you just know that something good is coming.

In your heart.

Nothing points to something  beautiful about to  happen.

You have no idea what amazing thing would happen to little old you.

You just know it will be life changing.

Its coming.

Oh please hurry.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Oh hello boy. I've missed you.

Hey boy.

You're kind of cute. I kind of like you. Not like I talk to you anymore. If I did though, this is what I'd say. Hey! How are you? Oh you're wearing that blue shirt? The one that I like that brings out your eye's. You have the sexiest eyes. I notice how those eyes glue to me everytime I walk by. Just like my blue eyes are glued to you. Are you excited  for summer? Are you going to lay on your tramp and look at the stars again? Are you going to  go dirtbiking? Maybe we should hang out. I think we could have fun. Although me asking you to hang out seems rather strange. Considering how I can't say hi when you walk by. Although a few fridays I did say hi to you. Or my best friend did. We're a package deal anyway. How are your sisters? Have you found any pretty songs you want to tell me about? I am doing good. I've saved my heart for you. I haven't let another boy truly have it. Please make a move?

Girl.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Life is a dream.

I would like to be able to write. But I can't seem to find words. Not that I don't have anything to say. I do. But its simple. How much I love 8 year old Vivian and 4 year old Grant. I have 44 day's till I graduate. Count down has officialy begun. I've been accepted to UCSB {santa barbara in cali}. I had spring break. Went to Austin. Snuck down town one night. Love the vibe. Its eclectic, weird, different. I fit in. I have the best little brother in the world. My family loves me. I love them. I took senior pictures yesterday. Lifes blissful. Dream like. I don't want it to change. I feel like I'm in a dream. The weathers warm. I'm wearing my new favorite high heels. I love seeing sunsets. I love wishing on dandelions and sometimes pulling over while driving specifically for the reason of getting to blow on one. I love listening to pretty music. I like the idea of holding hands. My hairs been surprisingly cooperative with me as of late. I've not had to cut anything out to get a snarl. Not even a tear has been shed during the taming of the beast. {or hairbrushing as its normally referred to} I would like to go to prom. But if I don't thats okay too. I just have a really clever way of answering. I mean if I were to get asked. I've read two beautiful memoirs. I'm feeling hopeful. Happiness is  truly right around the corner.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

my social/dating/highschool/health life

it's a crapshit

{sweetdreams. day dreams and night dreams alike}

Prom Shmom...who needs it? me.

skipped the assembly today.

went to starbucks with Carson, Alex, and Sunshine.{Jake}

got yummy delightful coffee.

laughed.

told stories.

everything was lovely.

until the subject of prom was brought up.

everyone has dates.

i don't.

{big surprise...not}

so what do i do?

i tell everyone i think prom is a stupid waste of time.

i'm over the whole highschool experience including prom.

but want to know a secret?

i want to go to prom.

desperately.

more than anything right now.

i want to dress up in a long sparkly gown.

i want to feel pretty for a night.

i want to take cheesey pictures.

i want to dance to horrible music.

its my one year to go to dances.

since i don't have a senior year.

i'll go to prom inside my head.

i'll dance alone to taylor swift in my room.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Girl

Penny loafers turn her on.

Dreams more in the day than at night.

She likes her thrift store shopping.

Driving with the windows down.

Laughing too hard.

Wishing for love.

Warm tea with honey makes her tingly.

Undone wet hair  with dresses  make her feel like a beach goddess.

The world is her playground.

She's just the way she is but no-ones told her thats okay

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Everything will be all right

Everything will be all right.

Just breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Everything will be all right.

Just smile.

Smile.

Smile.

Smile.

Everything will be all right.

Just listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Everything will be all right.

Just run.

Run.

Run.

Run.

Everything will be all right.

Just dream.

Dream.

Dream.

Dream.

Everything will be all right.

Just learn.

Learn.

Learn.

Learn.

Everything will be all right.

Just love.

Love.

Love.

Love.

Everything will be all right.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

Hurricane

you hit me like a hurricane

and i'm standing here with my rainboots and inverted umbrella

unable to distinguish rain from tears.

and you sick bastard;

i'm watching you destroy everything around me

and all i can do is stand here in awe of your beauty.

Want to take a glimpse at my other blog?

The one I made on an impulse for clothes?

Look right here.

I kind of like it and think that you might too.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

let me go to sleep

What I am I doing right now?

Wishing I was at home in bed.

With some nice music playing.

What am I really doing?

Counting down the nineteen minutes until school end.

 

{we were channeling our inner ozzy osborne}

Plans?

Hunger games at 6:30.

Yep I got advanced tickets.

I'm pretty cool.

Color Fest on saturday.

Stuff I love?

Seeing my bff Veronica for the first time since November.

Don't ask me how to describe her.

I can't.

Like me.

But Asian.

So cool and awkward and crazy and happy and trying to figure it out.

{we like frizzy hair.alot.}

Boys?

Yeah I think I repel them.

Except I kind of like one.

Maybe I'll say his name on here.

Maybe not.

School?

End of term.

After friday no mos fourth period either day.

Can't wait.

Toodaloo for now.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}

I'm fine now thanks for asking

I should of seen the signs.

Should of read the writing on the wall.

Should of looked past your sweet words that come out of your mouth as easy as the lies.

Listened to the voices.

He's no good for you.

He'll use you and leave you.

No he wouldn't do that.

He loves me.

But he did exactly what they said he would.

I should of listened.

He wanted me for my body.

My dirty words.

I'm not proud of this.

Who's at fault here?

The boy who lied?

Or the girl who gave him the benefit of the doubt?

I am better than you.

And the most frustrating part of this?

I'd go back to him in less than a heartbeat if he asked me too.

I deserve better.

Someone who is proud to be with me.

Someone who realizes the simple beauty in holding hands.

Someone who wants to write me love letters at random times.

Someone who wants to lay in the grass and wish on stars.

Someone who is in it for the right reasons.

Someone who wants to kiss in the rain.

Someone who is content getting coffee, listening to music and not saying a word.

Someone who makes me happy.

I'm sorry he hurt you.

Chin up butter cup.

I've moved on.

And you can too.

{sweetdreams. Day dreams and night dreams alike}