11.30.2011

You're wearing penny loafers? TURN ON

Awkward.
I told a Grandma that she is a princess yesterday.
Five minutes in study hall left.
I could put up a picture...but nah. I'll post today after school.
You know. I lost all respect for him. And it got worse when I found out he could only throw gutter balls while bowling. Turn off.
So is cheating. And holding hands with your girlfriend and checking me out. and drinking energy drinks. and suffering from s.p.d. {same personality disorder}
Penny loafers on the otherhand are a turn on. As is holding the door open. And being good with kids. And loving disney music. And big nerdy glasses.
Song: Sampson-Regina Spector
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

11.26.2011

wait...one of my letters wont work!

Last night in California. Sad to go home. But also glad. Sad to leave Veronica and this beautiful state. Excited to see my loved ones in Utah. Ill write all about my tri when im home. and have a comuter that lets me tye the letter that comes after o. So good night beautiful world!  see you on the other side! Oh and kee smiling! i REALLY need to use the bathroom. So I shall talk to you lovelies later!!! Oh and my baby girl is eight!!! Love you vivi!!oh and go Bruins!! NOT mountain view...boo you bruins! but UCLA bruins!!!! quick highlights.
1. VERONICA. duh. i mean shes my best friend!
2. Ucla campus tour. i AM going there.
3. getting stomach flu on thanksgiving..
ictures coming SOON!
haha suckers. Ill enjoy my last 24 hours of warm weather
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

emotional

i have this need to write right now. i cant control it. my heart is going to race out of my chest. im sure the drummers of war can hear its beat. this lonely girl who nobody needs. remember when you said youd be my prince phillip, and i your aurora. you would wake me with your sweet kiss from the one hundred years of night mare filled sleep. i kept my end of the promise. i waited patiently for you. i loved you without fault. i needed you. you lied to me with sweet words which melt on your lips. and the one hundred years has passed and you have not come. so in this nightmare i shall remain.{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

11.17.2011

Off to warm weather.

The good news.
Well it has happened. I GOT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2009 Nissan Altima hybrid. Its red:) and BEAUTIFUL!
It drives smooth.
I get to see my best friend Veronica, in the world in SEVENTEEN hours.
I'm going to miss my other best friend Nolle while I'm gone. Don't apply at taco bell. the job is MINE.
Sometimes I feel like if I wear summery clothes it will be summer...not so.
My favorite article of clothing EVER is these ugly silk purple pajama pants that go up to my boobs and have a whole in the crotch.
I am considering silk sheets.
I want new pillows for christmas. I don't know what else. I'm already so blessed.
sadies went swell. Thanks for asking.

Negatives this week:
1.Trying to make this post not so emotional. Which is hard. When thats how I'm feeling.
2.I keep having bad night mares and I don't want to sleep. And they worry me during the day.
I like my day dreams better.
3.I wish fat would just go away. Forever. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
4.I wish someone would ask me on a date. Not to hang out.  A real honest to goodness date. Not partaining to a school dance or function.
5. My favorite blog to stalk only posted once.
6. I only posted once.
Miss his long hair. And I'm gonna miss him this week.



Okay positives this week:
1.I got a car.
2. I got to eat cafe Rio 3 times.
3. I went to bed before seven two times.
4. I managed to not spend anymoney after tuesday.
5. I found a good quote in the story we read in english.
6. I'm off to california.
7. Being Rosa Parks. Gosh dang it. I GET the front seat of the car.
8. Jillian Edwards released a new cd.
It makes my butt tingle.
Isaiah 40:31 
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Thats my all time favorite scripture.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}
Song: With you-Jillian Edwards.

11.11.2011

11~11~11
Make a wish! I've been thinking about what I want to wish for.  Do I want to have the perfect boyfriend? Do I want to be popular? Do I want the perfect body? Do I want to travel the world? Do I want to have more money than  I could ever imagine spending? Yes I do. It would be nice, if I am to be completly honest. But you know what I'm going to wish for is to be happy. Plain and simple. Plus I have God with me, so what do I really need to wish for?  Yeah, I would really, like really like my parents to not be divorced. I wish I could go back in time and have that not happen. But it has made me the person I am today. And she's pretty cool...you know she is. So you know I'm still going to make a wish, wish that one boy would like me back, wish I could be a rockstar. Because imagining is fun. Make a wish! I dare you!!!
Oh and I would like to thank all of the men and women who have and will serve our country, thank you for risking your life to keep me safe. You're my heros! Oh shout out to mom, I think you're beautiful. And so does everyone who sees you. Plus you have the BEST personality! Love you, and I know that God gave me you to get through this crazy thing called life.
Tonight this little girl is going on a date. a DATE. You heard that right. Someone wants to ask nerdy little Clara to be with them. Like eat dinner and dance. His name is Tommy he goes to Lehi High and its sadies. Roaring twenties theme! Should I start posting outfits on here? Maybe? Oh and while we're at it, I haven't shaved since halloween. And I'm wearing a dress. Right now. In public. Oh well. Have a good weekend and be safe!
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

11.08.2011

speak kind words

Speech that heals is like the life giving tree, but a preverse tongue breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31&32
I challenge you to open your scriptures. God truly speaks to us through them.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

11.06.2011

my big nose.

Sometimes I tell people that my mom is part jewish. She's not. I just need an explanation for my big nose. With a bump in it. I've wanted a nose job as long as I can remember. Before I knew what a nose job really was. But I look all the women I look up to have big noses, with bumps in it. My mom,aunt and Nanny. They're beautiful. And so am I. Bumpy nose included. It fits my face. I can wear a middle part with my nose and pull it off. An hour ago I tried writing on here. But everything I wrote was super sad. But now I'm happy again. I seem to be bipolar(I'm not). I alway's feel so weak when I cry. I hold it all in. And then about once a month I get SUPER depressed. And cry for like two days straight. And you know what I realized? Its okay to cry and be sad and mourn my life of what could of beens. Because I heard somewhere that crying makes you strong. It means that you're still alive. That you have feelings and that you can make it through this. But it also doesn't mean that we can not completely pity ourselves. Its okay to have our crying sessions but we also need to realize that people love us and that we have a purpose in life. Because God didn't send us here to be lost and alone. He sent us here to try us. He trusted us so much that he sent us down here to live. Wow, he really loves us. 
This weekend I slept over at nolles. Watched mean girls and that thing you do. Realized I should of been born in the sixties because the clothes are to DIE for(: Slept over with emma, aubree and Nolle in one room. Oh on tuesday is my other mommy's birthday!!! Surprise party! shhhh its a secret! I laid on the floor with these cute girls and laughed until I made no sound. Ultimate therapy session. Saturday went shopping and out to dinner with Jordyn, Krista, and Sean. Drove for the first time since the wreck to anywhere besides blockbuster. I like driving, I don't like being the passenger so much. I tend to cry whenever I'm in a car. I'm working on it. But driving I'm okay. Then I'm in control. Spent saturday/sunday night in saltlake with the mom. Had super fun.Slept alot. Watched multiple chickflicks and read memoirs of a geisha(thanks krista!). Missed Veronica. She got to me to realize how much I'm worth. Along with multiple other people...Nolle, Mom, Abbie sawyer, Linze, Alex, Krista. The people I love. Oh and of COURSE caley:) 
Things I'm loving right now.
1. Laughing and playing in the fall leaves(goes without saying stepping on crunchy leaves)
Laughing at midnight until I make no sound with Emma and Nolle.
Actually just Emma and Nolle in general.
This picture that Veronica sent me. She's inspired.


The fact that my nephew Grant is four. 


This beautiful wedding set.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

11.01.2011

Dear prince charming.

Dear future husband.
I'm feeling a little lonely.I wish I knew who you are. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could laugh with you. I wish I could be holding your hand. I wish I was facing life with you. Soon. I hope. You're amazing. I don't even know you. But I'm not going to settle. I've made mistakes with boys who weren't good enough for me. Not anymore. We're gonna be good parents. I can feel it. We're gonna have fun gettting lost together. And exploring museums and restaraunts. And making music together. I am so excited to find you. Come soon? Actually come when its the right time. I don't want to mess this up. Its inevitable that we are going to have hard times. But we can get through them. Know why? Because we love eachother. You're one heck of a guy. You're amazing. And strong. And slightly crazy. Because you chose me, with all my  weirdness and problems and singing at weird moments. What if I know you already? Would that be weird? What if I don't know you. I hope you know I think of you every night. And I wish on stars about you. And wherever you are, I hope you're thinking of me too.I love you. To the moon and back.
Love,
Your future wife.

{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Cheated.

I'm going lesbian.
Alright, I'm not.
But I feel like it.
Yeah it hurts.
I have all these emotions running through my head.
Am I not good enough?
Am I too weird for my own good?
I want to write cuss words on pottery and smash it on the ground.
Or give it as a gift.
Sixteen and I already know my future.
Destined to be a cat lady.
With 79 cats.
I'll speak cat language and eat cat food.
Oh and live in a swamp.
Of course.
Sometime's I just feel like there's no hope for me and people with penises.
Insensitive? yeah slightly.
I think I'm pretty enough.
To snag a boy.
I mean I held hands with a guy last night.
I liked it.
We didn't kiss and it was perfect.
Why can't I find love?
Should I quit looking.
See what happens.
But I need to be proactive about it.
This is making my tummy hurt.
And my head.
I heard that there is a soul mate for everyone.
Why am I still alone then?
Maybe my standards are too high.
Maybe if I dated guy's who weren't "cool".
Guys who I'm not physically attracted to.
Different races.
Forget that.
I'm getting my blonde kids.
Not going to lower my standards.
Ironic placement of sentence.
When its the time for me to be in love, God will help me.
I won't change to get a guy.
Oh I guess I'll wait.
Because I'm holding out for a hero.
In the mean time. I'll stick with my BEST FRIEND/SISTER.
She's a 100% homophobe.


{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}

Thank you peter pan.

Survived my first haunted house. Big accomplishment for this girl. real life. Once upon a time, there were these people in my neighborhood. they had a "haunted house" in their garage every year. There was a little girl named Clara {refered to as maggot, by some of her not so nice class mates}. She wanted her candy,donuts and hot chocolate. But she couldn't get it until she went through the stupid garage. (not bitter or anything) they would turn on all the lights, turn off the music, and she would cry her way through. Well her fear of haunted houses followed to adult hood. (alright...sixteenhood). One day carmel asked me to go to a haunted house. I said yes. I needed to confront her fears and didn't want to be seen as a wuss. More of reason 2 then reason 1.
Just call me madame Luna
She I and becoming a t-a for Mr. Logan. Went to my little brothers halloween class party. Figured out if I'd  was in the sixth grade right now, I'd be hella popular. Born five years too early I tell ya. Took a nap. Had Lauren come over to play for a little bit. Then handed out candy. My father got mad at me for giving too much candy to each kid. SOOOOOORRRY. not. only young once right? Loved seeing the costumes. got four numbers. Loved complimenting the kids.
Then Carmel met me halfway to the car. In the car  were five beautiful girls. Of course. You know heaven forbid I can't act like an idiot in front of ugly people. We drove. Tail gated a huge cemi. Forget the possible out comes that could of happened. When they pulled up to the haunted house "Awakening". Frightening right? First thing seen as driving into the parking lot? A ten foot tall monster. Carmel drags Clara to the door of the place. But before she even gets there, the ten foot tall monster see's Clara. Clara starts freaking out. The stupid monster follows her and they run a BLOCK AND A HALF away. Oh man. Thats bad. Hello wimp. Wimp and proud. Imagine me screaming, and running, and all the other girls laughing hysterically at me.
I would seriously consider dating him.
I get calmed down. I'm not gonna go in. I'm gonna sit in the lobby and wait. But oh no. Carmel has other plans for me. She pay's for my ticket. {$14}. Thats alot of money when you're constantly broke! I get up the stairs. Get literally dragged into the door. In there I meet two guys, ben and parker. Parker was dressed up as Peter Pan. Okay time to go to the real haunted house. Freaking out. But no..Parker grabs my hand and takes me down in to a certain death. (most likely by heart attack then murder, but dying all the same). I wouldn't look at anything but the floor. But once a guy drops out at me and I start to scream, which quickly turns into laughter. Parker is holding onto my hand and I bring my head up. I can do this. I'm brave. Plus I have a cute guy holding my hand. I realized if I sass mouthed the monsters it wasn't scary. In fact, it turned out to be a BUNCH of  fun! Thank you Parker. I'm sorry I called you Peter  all night. I never claimed to be good with names. Oh and you know I wouldn't be offended if you asked me for my number. You know after holding your hand for an hour. Oh and I can not believe I turned into one of "those" girls. The one who gets all scared and cuddles with boys cause of it.
babes.
So long story short. We have to face our fears. Because maybe we overthing stuff in our heads. Maybe something we consider scary will be funny. Or good for us. Like falling for the right guy(so I've been told). Going out on a limb and going back to school after you wreck your car and have no friends. Finding faith  on the way down. Standing up for someone. Not taking no for an answer.  God will keep us safe. Happy first of november!!!


like our new friend??
THE monster I ran away from. No big deal. He's also a pole dancer.
{Peace. Love. And Granola Bars}