Sometimes things bother me. Like alot. My current problem right now is religion. I know that in our culture it is a bit of a tabboo subject. Unless it is the dominant religion. I have chosen to not practice the lds religion and I am not ashamed of my decision. I do not want your pity, I do not want people to talk about me and say "poor girl doesn't have the gospel in her life". Because I DO. I have God and I KNOW that Jesus Christ died for ME. Little unperfect sixteen year old me. I know that Jesus died for MY sins and everyone elses. He died for EVERYONE. He didn't die for just those of a certain religion, or people with straight a's, or only white people. He died for each and every one of us. Even people who do horrible things. He knows what I feel like when I feel like I don't fit in. He knows what it feels like when a boy breaks my hearts. He knows my worries about friendships and finding the right college. When I feel alone, I remind myself that I am NOT. I look back on my life, and you know what its been HARD. Like really. My parents got divorced, I was sexually molested every day for four months, I've been to rehab, I couldn't see my mom for three years, I've been told I'm worthless, I've lost friendships, I've failed school, I've been told I can't, I've had sixteen nannies, I've been humliated in court, I've been in car wrecks, I've tried killing myself. My life has been hard. And Jesus knows what I'm going through. Even though it feels like nobody else could. JESUS KNOWS. He loves me and he didn't die just for me he died for everyone. I can feel his spirit with me all the time. I know I can get through anything because I AM NOT ALONE. I look back at my life and it makes me sad, but I am grateful for my trials. Because they have made me the person that I am today. When I'm having a hard day I know that I can get through it because I look back at how much I've survived and I didn't go through all that to give up. No mam. It upsets me that people don't want to be my friend simply because I don't go to a certain religious service on sunday. I'm working on it. I have been going to different churches, the lds church included, and this is crazy but where I felt the spirit most was at a national aids prayer service. We prayed for the gays, because god loves them. They are people. I want people to notice my actions. I try to be a nice girl. I try to help others, but I feel like all that is left in the dark simply because of where I choose to be on sunday. Like the song "Imagine" by John Lennon. Imagine no religion. There have been over so many fights in history simply because of peoples beliefs. The holocaust, Taliban, and SO many countless others. We are all people and children of god. There is good and bad in all of us and it is up to us to choose which we act upon. We all have feelings. We all need food and water. We all want to love and be loved. We need to quit judging people on their religion. I've often prayed to the lord and asked how he could let such terrible things happen in the world. Such me being molested or John Powell blowing himself and his two children up. Why? God has ALL the power doesn't he? He could stop such pain. If you haven't read the shack please do. It really strengthened my relationship with god and it has helped me so much. In the Shack a mans five year old daughter gets murdered while they are camping and the man, Mac, goes up to the shack one weekend to where she died. While there he meets God, the Spirit, and Jesus Christ. He asks God the same questions that I have. And I'm sure you have too. Why let bad things happen? God responds to Mac, that Yes he could stop bad things. But that is taking away free will. God loves us SO MUCH that he gives us free will and lets us make our own choices. The love he has for each and everyone of us, even people who have sinned astounds me. The war in heaven was fought over free will. Another very powerful point in that book is Mac is asked to judge his four kids and pick one to go to hell. He can't. What about when his son hits his sister? Or they don't clean their room, or they don't pass a test. Does a father still love his children? Yes he does. And nothing a child can do can make their father not love them. God is like that. He still loves each and everyone of his children. He knows the intentions of our hearts, and he knows what we are feeling when we make rash decisions. He knows that we are only human. It is not our place to judge other people. So please look at someones actions, and realize there is more to them than meets the eye. Look at them as children of God because we all are.
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